Getting to Home
by SeraphJewel
Summary: Seifer Almasy and his two companions decide to test their fates and return to the Garden. Love, hatred, joy, and sadness all come together in this touching story.
1. Knight

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8. That belongs to Square-Enix.

**Getting to Home**

_Chapter One_: _Knight_

Darkness. Empty. A sharp, unrelenting pain. Horrifying memories. He opened his eyes and wished he hadn't. All around him was a darkness so uncaring and empty that he feared he had died. Or perhaps he was hoping he died. Pain flowed through every part of his body. Was he dead, or was he alive? He tried to move his head but his body protested the movement with another wave of pain. Instead he used his eyes to observe his surroundings.

Above his eyes was a black expanse of nothing. There was not a single point of light to give him a bit of cheer in the dreary place. He could feel something hard supporting his back. He sniffed the air experimentally. Blood stung his nostrils thickly, along with the familiar staleness of metal. He wondered if the blood was his own or someone else's. Something warm and wet was on his cheek. The sticky wetness was on other parts of his body as well. He felt very weak, and this weakness became greater by the minute. He wasn't dead: he was dying.

He tried to call out but his throat was parched and wouldn't allow noise to escape. He laid there in the darkness and waited for his strength to completely give out. No one cared if he lived or died. Only two people would miss him; everyone else would be glad he was gone.

It was so quiet that the slightest noise startled him. A noise drew his attention, sounding ten times louder in the silence. Whatever was making the noise was too far away for him to see in his limited vision. The noise grew louder, making his ears ache. Two shapes appeared in his vision. He felt like he should know these shapes, but he couldn't concentrate on anything long enough to figure it out.

One shape was slender and a misty whiteness was visible. The other shape was much thicker. The two shapes stood over him, quietly observing his features. Was it possible they could see something in this darkness that he could not? To him they were nothing more than objects, shapes with no faces to give them depth. Again he tried to speak; this time a croaking sound emanated from his mouth. He tried to convey with his eyes that he wanted to know who these faceless shapes were. They apparently didn't understand his nonverbal communication.

The larger of the shapes bent down. There was still no face as far as he could tell, but he caught a whiff of the shape's scent. There was something calmingly familiar about the leathery, sweaty smell that wafted through his nostrils. The large shape somehow picked him up. He could feel two strong arms under his body. His back and legs screamed in pain at the contact. If he had the strength, he would've thrashed in the unknown thing's grasp. It must have been a human, but what did it want with him?

He felt as if he were hovering over the ground. The large shape was carrying him, strangely careful. The slender shape walked beside them quietly. The whiteness was strange to see in the darkness that surrounded the three of them. The whiteness was too pale; he could make nothing else out. There was a steady stream of sound that drifted through his ears. Two pairs of feet were walking on metallic ground. These two shapes were indeed human. What was it that they wanted with him? Had they no idea what he had done? Or were they rescuing him, only to kill him?

Something akin to fear began to stir in his heart. The feeling wasn't like him; in his whole life he could count the number of times he was afraid on one hand. His right arm hung helpless, swaying at the slightest movement. He wanted to scream, to tell the shapes to move his arm, to make any sort of noise at all. He could provoke no sound to come out, not even the croak that his throat allowed before. The slender shape seemed to sense his unspoken pain, for it gently put his arm on his chest. His other arm was cradled in the large shape's thick arms.

The touch of the slender shape was icy; the larger shape felt warm with the energy of lightning. He was sure, so certain he knew these two shapes. It hurt to think; it hurt to move; it hurt to speak; it was even beginning to hurt just watching with his eyes. His optical orbs needed light. He had gone too long without it. Where were these shapes taking him? He hadn't the strength to fight them. If they meant to kill him, they would have an easy time of it.

Something unfamiliar was in the distance. As if the shapes were eager to get to this thing, the speed they walked increased. His whole body protested the hurried movement. He heard something escape his throat. The shapes at once slowed down to the pace they were taking before. His head was pounding, his body was aching, his eyes were spinning and every nerve throbbed in pain. The unfamiliar thing grew bigger, flooding his senses. It hurt his eyes. Was it...?

Yes, it was light. Joy weaved its way into his heart. Light. His eyes eagerly took it in, adjusting to the absence of darkness quickly so they could fully enjoy the brightness. His head was protesting against the light, but every other part of him was glad to have it again. Waves of dizziness passed over him. He ignored it, gathering his mental strength to push it aside. He was so close, so close to the light now. He wanted to grasp it, to embrace its warmth.

He rarely laughed but in that moment he wanted to laugh as hard as he could. His body shook with quiet laughter. This only made his pain increase. He ignored this and allowed the laughter to ripple through his veins. They were fully in the sunlight now, and the dizziness was attacking him mercilessly. The trees and grass, which he thought he would never see again, moved in his unbalanced vision. The earth spun faster and faster until he could take it no more. He closed his eyes reluctantly; after seeing light, he was unwilling to go back to darkness. Only the constant pain kept him from falling asleep. After a while, he did doze off. He was too weak. Not even pain could keep him from sleep.

He was haunted by nightmares that reminded him of what he did. His eyes snapped open in defiance. This time what was above him was not darkness. White tiles now greeted his vision. He could feel a soft pillow under him, and a comfortable bed supported his aching body. His eyes adjusted to the light slowly, his frame once again rejoicing at this simple pleasure. He was in a clean room. Something was attached to his left arm, but he couldn't move his head to see what it was.

A sterile smell greeted his senses. A small table was at the foot of his bed; on the table was a tray, which held metal instruments. At once he knew that he was in an infirmary. Fear again threatened him. Had those shapes brought him to the place he knew he was least wanted? That place was hostile to him and his two friends for a long time, but after what he did, it would be even more unwelcome. He hadn't the strength to fight off anyone that would want to harm him. He was helpless for the first time in his memory.

He glanced around. There was no one there with him: no doctors or nurses, or even another patient. The shapes brought him here, most likely, but why? To lie here and be forgotten? Or to allow those who hated him revenge? They should have left him. He had no desire to continue living. Only two people would miss him. Everyone would be better off if he died. Why did those shapes saved him? And where were they now? For whatever reason, he was left alone again. If he had the strength, he would get up and walk out. Except that he couldn't even move his head, so leaving was out of the question.

"Are you awake yet?" A voice, feminine if he wasn't mistaken. It felt like an eternity since he heard a human voice. He heard heels clicking on the floor. "Oh, good. I was afraid we were going to lose you." He wanted to speak but his vocal chords refused to obey him. "I finally convinced your friends to leave you alone. Would you like to see them?" Friends? Wasn't this woman aware that he had no friends? The voice was unfamiliar. Perhaps she didn't know who he was. No, that was impossible. Everyone knew who he was. The heels clicked again and he could see the female. She had long black hair that brushed against her waist. She wore a white doctor's coat and her skin was dark. She looked a few years older than he. Wire-rimmed glasses framed her brown eyes.

"Are you not able to speak?" she questioned him gently. "My apologies. Here, let me get you some water." She disappeared out of his vision for a moment and returned with a glass of water in her hand. "Drink this." She put the glass on his lips and tilted it towards him. His jaw didn't seem to be working. Just trying to open his mouth was painful. The water dribbled uselessly down his chin. The doctor pursed her lips and stared at him as if it was his fault he couldn't make his body work. Didn't she know how badly it hurt to do even the smallest task? She clicked her tongue in annoyance and wiped up the water with a towel. She walked down to the table at the end of his bed and rummaged through the metal instruments.

He never liked being in the infirmary. He didn't trust doctors and this one was no exception. She came back wearing gloves. If he could speak, he would ask her what she was going to do. As it was he was helpless. One gloved hand pressed down on his upper lip. The other gently held his jaw and slowly pried it open. He couldn't manage a single noise but he felt the urge to scream. The pain was so excruciating. If he could only move, he would throttle her for making him suffer. His mouth was open now and his throat was getting drier.

Again she picked up the glass and tried to make him drink. The water trickled down his throat but got stuck on the way down. He coughed and sputtered but he couldn't get the water away from his throat. They were going to kill him; they wanted to choke him to death. The doctor suddenly forced him into a sitting position, which made the pain shoot up so drastically he thought he might black out. She patted him on the back roughly. His brain screamed in agony. Didn't she know how much pain he was in? He spat something out, but it was too red to be water. Blood. They _were_ trying to kill him.

He wanted to collapse and die right there. If he had the strength, he would take Hyperion and put himself out of his misery. The pain was so great he longed for it to be over. The shapes should've killed him instead of saving him. The doctor guided him back down to the bed. Some droplets of water made their way down his throat. He was still in great pain, but at least his throat was a little less parched. Every fiber in his body screamed in agony. His back was still throbbing from the punishment it was forced to endure. His jaw was still open. He hadn't the strength to move it. Saliva trickled down the sides of his mouth. The doctor closed his mouth again. The pain was shorter but it still hurt.

"Is he awake, doc?" Another voice, this one masculine. He knew the voice. Two pairs of feet struck the tiled floor. A dark man with bulging muscles and a big smile entered his vision, followed by a slender female with pale skin. Seeing these two made him feel very relieved. These two were the only people he called friends in the whole world. Then he realized that they were the ones who rescued him. They brought him here to be healed. The man continued smiling. "You're awake! We were worried, ya know?" Such simple words, yet they filled him with gratitude. At least someone out there cared. The pale female drew closer to him.

"BETTER?" she asked. He cringed at her voice. She possessed a much softer voice, but she wouldn't use that around a stranger. She turned to the doctor. "PLEASE LEAVE." The doctor looked offended but did as she was told. His two friends watched the doctor to make sure she was gone from the room. They sat on either side of him in such a way that he could see them both. "You don't have to say anything," his female friend assured him gently. "We'll take care of you."

"You're going to be good as new, ya know!" the other agreed. He wished his vocal chords would obey him; he longed to speak to his friends, to tell them how wrong it was for them to have saved them, how much he wanted to die. "You're gonna be in here for a while, ya know. It's all because of that..." The female held up her hand, shaking her head sternly. The man grinned sheepishly and apologized. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't wanna, ya know."

"Just get better. We'll be watching over you." He felt dizzy and tired again. He closed his eyes against the now-unkind glare of light and fell into a dreamless sleep.

His friends were true to their word. They stayed faithfully by his side until he was completely healed. The healing process was long and painful. Every joint, every bone in his body was battered so badly they were rendered almost unusable. The doctor in charge of him concentrated on one area at a time. Time was meaningless. It went on quietly, hardly giving any indication it was moving at all.

Soon he was able to turn his head without pain shooting through his neck. His next great feat was sitting up by himself. Walking took a lot longer to master. It was like he was a child again, forced to relearn all the things he took for granted in the past. His friends encouraged him daily by telling him how much he was improving. He regained the ability to speak but chose to use it sparingly. He and his friends bonded so closely while he was rehabilitating that he hardly had a need to converse with them verbally. Finally, after patiently relearning how to work all his muscles, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health. He and his two friends celebrated his release by going out on the dock.

He never fished in his entire life. His male friend knew something of the sport and was explaining it as they walked. He didn't have any money on him, and if he did his friends wouldn't have made him pay. Raijin rented the proper equipment from a bait store near the dock. Fujin opted to watch the other two, uninterested in the sport. They sat on the dock with their lines in the water tempting the fish, basking in the life-giving radiance of the sun. It was a boring task to wait for something to nibble, but he didn't mind. He simply enjoyed being with his friends again. He was even glad he was alive.

He still had nightmares but he was learning to ignore those. If they stayed out of everyone's way, he would have a fresh start on things. He was given a second chance on life. This time would be different. He would stay away from _that place_ and be content with wandering the earth with his two friends. Everyone would be much happier that way. Those who lived in _that place_ would assume he was dead and go on living. He and his friends would be forgotten in time, and that was how everyone wanted it. He jiggled his line impatiently. The fish weren't very active.

"I got one! I got one!" He looked up to see his jovial friend bouncing around like a child, holding up his catch. Anger rushed into him and he kicked his pole in a rage. Seeing this, Fujin tried to get their celebrating companion to shut up. He ignored her and continued to dance gleefully, oblivious to how his actions made both of his friends agitated. Finally Fujin was fed up and promptly pushed the loudmouth into the water with her foot. He couldn't help it; he burst out laughing. Fujin stared at him in awe, her single eye wide in astonishment.

A large shadow suddenly passed over the three friends. He glanced up and saw a very familiar object flying over them. Seeing this object made him feel homesick. The idiot pulled himself out of the water, coughing up some of the liquid. Home. He hadn't thought about it for a long time, mostly because the pain had distracted him from anything else. Home. A place where he was not welcome. Yet, seeing that object flying above his head, he wanted to go back. He wanted to go back where he wasn't wanted. He knew it was a ridiculous notion, but he couldn't convince himself out of it. He wanted to go home.


	2. Rejection

_Chapter Two: Rejection_

Of course his companions were none too pleased with his desire. Fujin usually spoke very little but when she did, everyone around her listened. When he told them of what he was planning to do, she pursed her lips and gave him a stern glare that spoke much stronger than words. Raijin, by comparison, was loud; his speech was of a more jovial nature than his pale sister. But even this loud moron was taken aback when the idea was proposed to him. They tried to talk Seifer out of it, tried reminding him of how badly they were treated there. It was useless; his mind was made up.

They knew him long enough to know that he was unmovable once he reached a decision. Convincing him to go against his ideas was like talking to a brick wall: useless. Or, as Fujin put it: "POINTLESS. TOO STUBBORN." At last they gave up and agreed to go with him on this insane expedition. They had a choice to leave his side, but they wouldn't have done that. Together they went back to the place they did not belong: their home.

On the way to their home, the three tried not to talk about the past. He learned that it took him three months to fully recover from his injuries. Three months. That was certainly long enough for his enemies to forget about him. Perhaps when he went home, no one would give him a second thought. They might even think he was a ghost. Fujin was often mistaken as a ghost because of her skin; only their loud companion would be obviously alive. Seifer hadn't made plans to stay in their home for long. He only wanted to see it again before they began their journey into nonexistence.

The world around them would be much happier thinking the three of them were dead or in an isolated area. All he wanted was just one good look at his home to fix it in his memory forever. It wasn't a place where he was welcome even before all this mess started, but it was the only home he knew. Other than that orphanage. He questioned why he wasn't going there instead. There wouldn't be anyone there to welcome him; he and his two friends would be alone. It was the safer route but a lonelier one as well. Maybe what he was really wanting was someone waiting for him, welcoming him back. No one would welcome him in _that place_. Why was he going there? Why was he going back to where he didn't belong?

He thought about the people he would see when he returned home. Many of them were mere faces without names. Then he remembered those he grew up with in the orphanage. He first saw in his mind a teen with a scar much like his own. He and this person were in many battles as both friend and foe long before he became a wanted man, and many afterwards as well. All memories associated with Squall Leonhart weren't very pleasant. He moved on to another male, this one with a permanent grin etched on his tattooed face. He had experienced a strange joy that came with picking on Zell Dincht. That idiotic chicken-wuss never thought things over; he just blindly rushed into everything. It reminded him of Raijin. There was a third boy that grew up with him in the orphanage. He didn't know too much about this one as an adult. After the orphanage, he and Irvine Kinneas grew up in different Gardens. All Seifer knew was that the guy was a major flirt.

Then there were the girls. One of them appointed herself as their boss when they were kids, and tried to keep that reputation up as they got older. Quistis Trepe felt like it was her duty to play mother all the time, and later she gained enough authority to be an instructor. This really pissed him off. Bossy, snooty, goody-good! The other girl was much friendlier. Her cheerfulness rivaled even Zell's, if that was even possible. A smile played on his lips. None ever knew it, but outside of the posse Selphie Tilmitt was the only one he ever liked. Then there was the girl who sort of had a weird thing for him. He didn't think much of her. Rinoa Heartilly hadn't been in the orphanage like the others; they met after that. He was almost relieved when she got interested in another guy, even if it was that scarred introvert who was too damn full of himself to even say "Hi" when someone talked to him.

"Look, we're here."

"What?" Seifer turned to Fujin, whose words had interrupted his thoughts.

"We're here," she repeated. "We're home." Home. A place they didn't belong. He stared at the building and knew at once this was a bad idea. But it was far too late to turn back now. He would just have to go in and face whatever came his way.

The building itself looked like a ship, and indeed it doubled as an airship. Rings of light danced around the structure. Flora clashed with metal and great towers loomed above him threateningly. No, there was no turning back. He wouldn't have left even if he could. He walked towards the gate, his two companions following just a step behind him. That was the way they always walked. They never walked next to each other; it was just something they did, no explanation behind it. He rested his hands at his side and noticed for the first time that something was missing.

"Where's Hyperion?"

"We're not sure. We looked all over but couldn't find it, ya know?"

"Oh, well," Seifer shrugged. "At least they can't claim I'm here to kill them all." No big loss, really. Having his weapon would only make his enemies more afraid of him. "What about _your _weapon, Fujin?"

"I lost it," she answered simply. He allowed the matter to drop. It wasn't like they needed weapons. People would be afraid of them no matter what. He was sure that his friends would be reluctant to cross the threshold, but they weren't. They continued their pace without a second of hesitance. Their footsteps echoed in the empty halls. The students were likely in their classes. That was for the best. He would rather not run into any of them. Especially not any of the orphanage gang.

Now that he was here, Seifer wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. Just look around and leave? No, he had another reason for coming here. If he told his friends of this purpose, they would certainly check him into a mental hospital. Even he had to admit that it was crazy.

"We're here. Can we go yet?"

"Not yet, Raijin." His friends didn't ask questions. That was what he liked best about them. Even he was disgusted by his reasons for coming back. What was he thinking? He actually wanted to see his worst enemies! What was he hoping for? That they would suddenly forgive him and welcome him home with open arms? It was impossible! Yet, that was the reason he was back where he wasn't wanted. He could almost hear their voices. He could almost see them gawking at him, surprised that he returned.

"BAD NEWS," Fujin hissed. He wondered what caused her to use her other voice, then saw for himself. Students were filing out of their classes and coming their way. His two friends were silent but he could tell they were getting nervous. "LEAVE NOW?" His eyes scanned the faces. None he recognized.

"No, Fujin. We're not going anywhere."

"But..." He held up his hand.

"We are not cowards." His friends conceded to him. Focusing back on the students, he could tell from their uniforms that these were just the regular sort. They would be easy enough to scare away. Finally the students noticed them. He hoped against hope that they would get scared and run off. As if Hyne was against him, the students continued coming towards them. They were actually walking faster than before, as if eager to confront the posse. The students reached them and took out various weapons.

"Sorceress knight! You don't belong here!" a brave soul shouted out from the group.

"Get out!"

"LOOKS BAD," Fujin noted, instinctively moving to a fighting pose.

"We're not leaving." Seifer crossed his arms stubbornly.

"They don't want us here, ya know? Maybe we'd better go," Raijin suggested. A glare from Seifer silenced him.

"You may go if you want. You're not chained to me." The two stared at each other helplessly. The students gathered up their courage and rushed at the trio. Before he knew what was happening, someone was punching his face as hard as they could. Several others surrounded him, using their fists and weapons on his unprotected body. All the students initially focused on him, but Fujin and Raijin soon had their share of attackers. He could've taken them all easily if he had Hyperion. Seifer didn't feel like fighting them off; he just stood there and took the abuse. He hoped they would get bored and go away after a while. They didn't get bored. In fact, more showed up until it felt like the entire school was beating him up.

"Murderer! Scum! You think you can walk in here? Get out!" They shouted many other insulting names. He managed to crawl out of the pile of students and made his way to the exit. His friends were only a pace behind him. The students cheered wildly.

"Don't ever come back!" one shouted. He was hurt, but not as badly as before. He would recover from this fairly quickly. His two friends sat on the grass and absently wiped off the blood. They hadn't been so badly wounded because Raijin fought back.

"That didn't go so well, ya know?"

"I know."

"LEAVE NOW. FOR GOOD," Fujin suggested.

"I guess we'll have to. We definitely aren't welcome here." What did he expect? A big party waiting for him? Friends beaming at him, grateful for his return? Forgiveness? He knew better than that. He had no friends there, and in their eyes he didn't deserve forgiveness. So, what possessed him to come here? Why was he here?

He leaned his back against the gate. This at one time was his home. The place he didn't belong. He wasn't accepted even before this mess with the sorceress. Now... Now he was hated even more so. Fujin and Raijin sat on either side of him. He glanced over at them both to see their reaction. Fujin was being her usual quiet self and Raijin seemed to be reciting something to himself. Seifer waited for them to speak. Five minutes passed in silence.

"This place has so many memories," Fujin whispered. "But it seems we can no longer stay here."

"I wanna go, ya know?" Raijin added. They now waited for him to speak. In the five minutes of silence, Seifer had time to think. He made up his mind and not even SeeDs could stand in his way. "We'll go when you say to, ya know?"

"Not yet." He shook his head sternly. "Not just yet."

"Why not?" Fujin demanded.

"Because," and here a smirk spread over Seifer's lips, "I haven't said good-bye to my old friends yet."


	3. Trust

_Chapter Three: Trust_

A tiny lightning bug crawled on a blade of grass. Its rear briefly illuminated the night sky, then winked out again. The bug took off from its perch and fluttered high into the air. Again its rear made the night less dark for a fraction of a second before fading away. Thousands of other lightning bugs were flying around, illuminating the sky. Seifer watched the progress of these small creatures as they made their journey through the sky. Crickets chirped and ants continued their relentless march. All of these creatures were so small, and yet so complex.

He felt something crawling on his arm. He took a close look and saw it to be a spider. He observed the arachnid as it scurried up his arm. It stopped short of his shoulder, then changed its mind and crawled on the nearby wall instead. _Not even the insects want anything to do with me,_ he thought with a huff. Along with the sounds of nature, he could hear someone snoring. His two friends were peacefully resting nearby. Raijin was the one snoring, his mouth wide open. Fujin was lying in the grass, her body strangely being ignored by the multitude of insects. Seifer shifted his position but kept his back against the wall. He and his friends were outside the Garden gates, close enough to satisfy Seifer and far away enough to satisfy the students of the Garden.

The Garden gates creaked open. Surprised by this sudden noise, Seifer pressed his body close to the wall. A slender female stepped outside, closing the gate behind her. Her figure was illuminated by the electric lights installed at the gate entrance. Seifer and his friends were shrouded in darkness; he had the advantage of seeing her before she saw him.

She had short brown hair that curled up before reaching her shoulders. She wore brown boots that came up to just below her knees, a white shirt, and red-and-black striped shorts. Her face was full of curiosity and energy. She glanced around, trying to find something. Seifer knew this girl very well and wondered what she could be doing outside the Garden so late at night. Another loud snore emanated from his Raijin's sleeping form. The girl heard the sound and came towards it. Her eyes first lighted on Seifer, then his two sleeping companions. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. She stared at them silently with wide eyes. At any moment Seifer expected her to start screaming or something, but she didn't. Seifer calmly got to his feet, brushing off dirt and grass that collected on his clothes. He crossed his arms and matched her stare with his own. At last the girl managed to find her voice.

"So it's true. You _are_ back!"

"We're not an exhibition at the zoo," Seifer told her coldly. "Stop gawking at us and leave us alone." The girl frowned at him. There was something childishly cute about her expressions. Even when she was trying to be serious, she always ended up looking cute. Just like Seifer always ended up looking scary.

"Can't a girl come out and talk to someone without being yelled at?"

"If it's me or any of my friends, no." She tilted her head to one side.

"Why not?"

"You know why not." He gave her his best glare, hoping she would be intimidated and leave. She merely smiled and focused her eyes on his sleeping friends.

"Raijin snores so loud! How do you put up with it?" He continued to glare at her.

"I'm used to it."

"Yeah, I guess you are." His attempts to glare her down weren't working. Instead he decided to give her the silent treatment. She loved to talk and he knew if he didn't respond to her, she would eventually go away. "So... why did you come back to the Garden?" He gave no response.

"Everyone in the Garden knows you're here," Selphie proceeded unhindered. "Zell and Squall are really pissed off. But I don't think they can do anything to you except threaten. I mean, you don't have Hyperion. Hey, what happened to that, anyway? Did you lose it?" He didn't even nod his head. "What's wrong with you? Do you want me to leave?" Still nothing. "Well, it won't work, so you may as well talk to me." He let out a sigh. Sometimes this girl could be so stubborn.

"If you must know, I _did_ lose Hyperion. And as for coming back to the Garden, I did it because... well, that's none of your business." She seemed satisfied with that response. She quietly walked a few steps in the cool grass with her arms clasped behind her back. Seifer knew for a fact that this girl couldn't last too long without saying something, and sure enough she started talking again.

"Where've you been for the past three months? We were sure you had died."

"I might as well have." He rested his back against the wall again. His words were met with a moment of silence. Seifer eyed the girl curiously. "What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I just felt like coming out here," she shrugged. "I heard that you guys were back and I wanted to see for myself if it was true or not."

"Okay, but what are you still doing out here?"

"I don't need a reason."

"Yes, you do," Seifer insisted impatiently. "In case you've forgotten, not many people like me these days. I know it's your mission in life to bug me to death, but I would think you'd avoid me after all I did." Selphie gave him a hurt look, which only made her look cuter than she was already.

"You think it's my mission to bug you to death? I just wanted to talk to you, that's all."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" he demanded hotly. Selphie giggled, her eyes shining playfully.

"What's to be afraid of?" He stared at her in bewilderment. Did she really just say that?

"I always knew you were a ditz, but this is ridiculous! All of the things I did, all the people I hurt, and you ask what's to be afraid of? What the hell is _wrong_ with you?" Finished with his rant, Seifer drew in a furious breath. Selphie looked surprised by his outburst.

"There's nothing wrong with me. I'm perfectly aware of what you did, but that stuff really doesn't matter. The question is: what are you going to do _now_? Are you planning on hurting anybody? It doesn't look that way to me. Therefore there's nothing to be afraid of." Seifer sighed and tightened his crossed arms.

"You're the only one that thinks so." Selphie frowned again but Seifer chose not to elaborate. The silence following his statement lasted for over a minute.

"Are you staying here long?" Selphie questioned him at last.

"Maybe."

"Why? You don't seem to like being here very much."

"It's none of your business." As hard as he was trying to push her away she still refused to leave him alone. There was something wrong with that girl. Why couldn't she understand that he wanted to be left alone? Or maybe she _did_ know that, and that was why she wasn't leaving.

"Hey, look!" Selphie pointed up to the sky. "Aren't the stars pretty tonight?" He closed his eyes. She was starting to get on his nerves. "Remember when we were in the orphanage and Zell was trying to catch a star? It was so funny. He was running around for hours, even after the rest of us went to bed. And when the stars went away, he was so upset that he didn't catch one. Remember? And remember when you and I tried to bury Squall because he was being so mean? But he wouldn't let us. And then Zell..."

"Selphie," Seifer interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers wearily, "will you shut up and leave me alone?" She sighed in defeat.

"I guess if you really want me to go, I'll go. But first I want you to promise me that you won't do anything bad anymore. Okay?" Seifer opened his eyes and stared at her inquisitively. Her green eyes stared back at him, full of kindness and trust. He suddenly felt ashamed, and looked away.

"Now _why_ do you want me to do that?"

"Because then I'll know you're not a bad person anymore."

"Will you leave me alone?"

"Not forever," Selphie answered, rocking back on her heels, "but I'll go to bed if you promise."

"Okay. I promise. Not that I was planning on causing any more trouble in the first place." She beamed at him and jumped up in the air. Seifer had a strange feeling that she would've hugged him if she didn't already know he hated being hugged.

"Thank you very much! But I really wanted you to say it like this: I, Seifer Almasy, do hereby promise to never do anything bad ever again for as long as I live." Seifer rolled his eyes, but found himself humoring her.

"I, Seifer Almasy, do hereby promise to never do anything bad ever again for as long as I live."

"Okay! Thanks a bunch!" Selphie sang, smiling brightly. She waved and ran to the Garden gate. She turned when she got there and waved at him again. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow?" Seifer echoed, but she didn't hear him. "Selphie!" he called out. "Wait a second!" She paused and waited. "How can you be sure I'll keep my promise?"

"I trust you," she answered, and entered the Garden. Those three words puzzled him. Seifer didn't expect anyone to say that to him after what he did. Questions swarmed around in his head like angry bees. Why did she trust him? Why was she being so nice to him? Why...? Oh, it was useless to think about. He sank down to the ground and hugged his legs. His friends were still sleeping and the creatures of the night were still going about their work.

Despite the noise that surrounded him and the close proximity to his friends, Seifer felt very alone. And this wasn't the sort of solitude he enjoyed, where he could enjoy the peace of being by himself without anything to distract him. This loneliness was the kind that threatened him with reminders of his stained past and warnings of his unhappy future. To keep himself from dwelling on that painful subject, he thought instead of what Selphie said to him. _She trusts me. What the hell does that mean? And why would she trust me, after all I've done? It doesn't make any sense. I don't deserve anyone's trust._ Her eyes gazed at him in a way that no one else ever did before, and he felt ashamed to let her see his guilty eyes. He sighed and drifted off to sleep. All night long he was assaulted by nightmares.


	4. One of Us

_Chapter Four: One of Us_

Seifer tightened his white overcoat around his body. He wasn't protecting himself from the cold as much as assuring himself that he was still alive. It felt like he was already dead, and was a specter haunting the living. Dead to the world, or might as well have been. No one cared about him; why not be dead? He sighed and rested his chin on his arms. He could barely make out the bulky form that was Raijin. He and Fujin were sleeping at a distance from their friend; they knew he preferred solitude to company. As he looked at them, Seifer couldn't help but wonder why they were still with him.

All the trouble that made them unwanted in their home was his fault. If his friends decided to abandon him, he wouldn't hold it against them. Yet here they still were, loyally staying close by but not _too_ close. A glimmer of light caught his eye. He turned his head and watched the sun slowly peek its golden head over the horizon.

Strange how the sun made everything look alive, while the moon gave the earth a bleak appearance. Even the sunrise was cheerful compared to what the moon could provide. The sun's rays danced on blades of grass, shimmered on streams, and made the sky look like a painting. The nightmares that haunted him all night long were forgotten in the light of day. He allowed a smile to spread across his serious face. After Seifer he suffered, this single sunrise gave him peace. _It's the simple things in life, then, that give people joy,_ he thought.

"Let's go," he decided. His two friends made no response. Seifer stuck his hands in his pockets and walked over to Raijin. The man was lying sprawled on his back, his mouth wide open. Seifer placed his foot on the man's stomach and lightly pressed down. Raijin sputtered and opened his eyes. Seifer removed his foot, promptly wiping the smile from his face.

"Wah time's it?" Raijin slurred, yawning openly.

"Sunrise," Seifer answered. "We're leaving."

"Now? But I'm hungry, ya know!" Raijin got to his feet and shook off blades of grass that were clinging to his clothes. "We should eat first, ya know."

"No. We're leaving. _Now_," Seifer insisted, giving Raijin a look that dared him to argue. Raijin grunted and proceeded to wake up his sister. She was less reluctant to leave than her brother. Quite the contrary, she was eager to vacate the premises. Seifer quietly took the lead as always. He didn't tell his friends of his secret wish to stay.

After all he did, after the way the students reacted to their presence, he still wanted to stay. There was something about the place that still drew him. But what could he possibly want that he could find there? The only friends he had were with him; all he would find within those walls were enemies, people that would rather him be dead. _I trust you_, Selphie had said. What did that mean? He deserved no one's trust after what he did. No, she couldn't have meant it like that. She probably meant she trusted him to not hurt anyone. There was no chance of him to do that, anyway.

He wanted to disappear, to fade into nonexistence. He had no wish to cause any more damage and bring any more attention to himself. _I trust you_. Now that he thought about it, no one ever said that to him before. Perhaps _that_ was why he was reluctant to go: he wanted to know why she said that. He dug his hands further into his pockets and turned his back on the Garden.

"Good-bye forever," Fujin whispered. Seifer took a few steps and paused. There was still something undone... _Selphie, how can you trust me?_

"Seifer!" He froze. _That voice..._ "Seifer! Fujin! Raijin!"

"Hey! It's Mrs. Kramer, ya know!" Raijin shouted in surprise. Seifer stiffened and closed his eyes. _Not her. Please not her._

"Listen, all of you. I've spoken with my husband, and he's agreed to let you stay in the Garden for a while. After all, it wasn't all your fault." He could hear her come towards him. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to stay for long. Just for a while. Please?" Seifer opened his eyes and turned. Edea Kramer stood before him, her face pleading. He shuttered convulsively. Long ago she was Matron, his guardian at the orphanage. But she was also a sorceress. That was the part of her Seifer could never forget but wished he could.

"Why?" he demanded. "For our redemption, or your own?"

"Both," she answered without a pause. Seifer missed the comforting weight of Hyperion at his side. Without it, there was nothing to grip on to. For now he clutched onto the fabric of his coat.

"Fine," he conceded with a sigh, "we'll stay. It won't be long, Matron, but we'll stay." Calling her Matron brought back memories of happier days that only made him feel more miserable than he already was. She smiled and clasped her hands in front of her as a sign of thanks.

"Let's eat now, ya know!" Raijin insisted eagerly, his stomach adding its agreement. Seifer cringed in anticipation as he passed over the threshold, but this time there were no angry students to greet them. It was far too early in the morning for any students to be awake. Seifer had to admit that it felt nice in the Garden compared to the chill of night. Mrs. Kramer led them to the cafeteria, which was completely empty. Not even the workers were awake yet.

"Please take a seat," Mrs. Kramer invited them. "I'll see if I can wake one of the cooks." The posse obeyed her, choosing a table quite a distance from the cafeteria entrance. Seifer wearily leaned back in his chair.

"I'm confused," Raijin confessed, scratching his head.

"What else is new?" Seifer snorted.

"What are we doing here? I thought you wanted to leave, ya know."

"The nearest town's quite a distance, and unless you want to hunt for breakfast, this is our only choice," Seifer answered with a shrug. "Besides, if we _did_ go into the nearest town, we probably wouldn't be welcome there." _And the orphanage gang is here...,_ he added. _Funny that the people I want to see the most are the people I should be avoiding._

"We aren't welcome here either, ya know," Raijin noted.

"We aren't welcome anywhere," Fujin added gravely. "It is the price we pay." Seifer gritted his teeth and kicked the table roughly. They all knew it was his fault; Fujin and Raijin just wouldn't say it. _It should be just me they hate, not Fujin and Raijin too! They just tagged along,_ he thought. _Found guilty by association._ As if she could read his thoughts, Fujin held up her hand and shook her hand. "Don't let guilt loom over you, Seifer. We chose to follow you. We were ready to take any sort of blame or hatred that came from our choice."

"That's what friends are for, ya know!" Raijin added with a grin. Their assurance didn't help. If anything, it made Seifer feel worse. What had he done to deserve friends like them? They sacrificed so much, just because they believed in him. He didn't deserve it. Mrs. Kramer returned with a sleep-deprived cook in tow. This distracted Seifer from his misery, for the moment.

"My husband and I think it's best for you to stay out of sight," Mrs. Kramer informed them as she joined their group at the table. "The students in the Garden have not forgotten what you've done, even though I've explained to them what really happened." She shrugged helplessly. "I fear that to them you are enemies." _No kidding,_ Seifer thought bitterly.

"How _is_ Headmaster Cid?" Raijin wondered.

"Doing well. I shall be sure to tell him you inquired about him, Raijin." Mrs. Kramer politely folded her hands in front of her and waited for their breakfast to be cooked. Seifer stared at the table. _I should never have come here. What the hell was I thinking? I've only found antagonists and painful memories._ He clenched his fists until his arm muscles began to ache from the effort. At last the breakfast was ready. Mrs. Kramer left the table for a moment and returned with four plates of steaming food. Seifer sniffed experimentally, exciting his stomach.

"THANK YOU," Fujin said.

"Thanks, ya know!" Raijin grinned. He eagerly dug into his breakfast. Seifer jabbed his fork into a sausage and stuffed it in his mouth, all the while with an expression that conveyed he wasn't eating by choice, but by force. Mrs. Kramer also ate, most likely to keep them company. For a while there were no words that passed between them. Raijin was the first to finish his breakfast. He pushed his plate back and emitted a rude belch. Fujin glared at him.

"RUDE. APOLOGIZE."

"Sorry. Excuse me, ya know." Seifer took his time to eat. Mrs. Kramer finished her meal and stood up from her chair.

"I fear I must leave you for now." She smiled sadly and left the cafeteria. Fujin eventually finished her meal, setting her utensils on the empty plate. Seifer deliberately took his time, knowing that his friends were impatient to be away. The cook that had been aroused walked over to them and gathered up the three empty plates. Seifer added his plate to the pile.

"Thanks for the meal, ya know!" Raijin grinned.

"Listen here," the cook growled, leering down on them, "I don't trust you, and I personally don't like serving you. I just did this for Mrs. Kramer. The sooner you three get outta here the better off we're all gonna be." Used to such treatment, the posse silently got up and left the cafeteria. There was only one place in the Garden that no one went into: the garage. Technically there were supposed to be a few parking attendants around, but they were never there, either.

The posse entered the garage and sat down. Surrounding them were cars that belonged to faculty and students alike. Fujin and Raijin sat at a distance from Seifer, as usual. It was quiet in the garage, but it was a different sort of quiet. It was almost eerie. Outside the quiet was peaceful, lightly being interrupted by noises of the wild. Here, no wild things were allowed. Only the steady hum of the air conditioner broke through the silence, and that only made the garage more eerie.

"What're we gonna do for lunch, ya know?" Raijin asked, his voice sounding much louder than normal in the enclosed space.

"Wait until the students are finished eating, I suppose," Fujin answered. Even her quiet voice was magnified. The silence that followed speech was even worse than silence unbroken by speech. Feeling restless, Seifer got to his feet.

"I'm going out."

"That would be unwise," Fujin argued. "What if one of the SeeDs saw you?"

"I don't care. I'm going out. You two stay here." He opened the door and walked out of the garage. It was still too early for anyone to be awake. Seifer had the place to himself. He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked around the Garden, letting the hallways fill him with old memories..

As he drew closer to the dormitories, he could hear the steady rhythm of feet striking the carpet. He froze in his tracks and tried to figure out who it would be. Before he could figure it out, the person entered his line of vision. Seifer's eyes widened in surprise. The person saw him and stopped. The very familiar teen glared at Seifer.

"Seifer!"

"Zell!" Indeed it was Zell Dincht, but his usual grin wasn't on his face. In its place was an angry scowl. The fighter was wearing a white shirt and boxers, which made him look a little ridiculous. He put up his fists.

"What in hell are you doing back here?" he asked coldly.

"None of your damn business, chicken-wuss."

"Call me that again and I'll slug you!" Seifer would've loved nothing better than to egg the fighter on, but thought better of it this time. He and Zell never got along. As things were now, it wouldn't be wise to provoke him. He raised his hands in a sign of peace.

"Look, I don't want any trouble..."

"Then you shouldn't have come here!" Zell spat. Seifer sighed and tried to walk past him but Zell kept stepping in his way. He stared coldly at Zell and Zell returned the stare challengingly.

"Out of my way."

"You're not one of us, Almasy! You never were, and you're never gonna be!"

"I _said_, out of my way!" Seifer roughly pushed Zell out of his way and started walking away.

"Who's the wuss now?" Zell shouted. Seifer spun around and punched Zell on the face. The fighter staggered back a little. Seifer couldn't help but chuckle a little to himself. Zell got his footing back and wiped a bit of blood from his face.

"You are," Seifer smiled. Zell's face turned red.

"That does it! Let's go right now! I challenge you to a fight, right here and right now!" Seifer crossed his arms and studied the fighter skeptically.

"I accept your challenge, but do you think you can beat me, chicken-wuss?"

"Think? I _know_ I can!" Zell hopped lightly on his feet, punching at the air. But before he could deliver a real punch, several sleepy students emerged from the dormitories. Seifer swore under his breath. Apparently Zell's shouting woke them up. Males and females alike appeared, rubbing the sleep from their eyes. They recognized Seifer quickly.

"It's the sorceress knight!"

"What's he doing here?"

"Get him out!" Seifer swore again. There was no way he would be able to fight them all off. Suddenly the intercom clicked on.

"ATTENTION STUDENTS." It was Headmaster Cid. The riled students calmed down to hear the announcement. "SEIFER, FUJIN AND RAIJIN HAVE RETURNED TO THE GARDEN. IT IS THE WISH OF MY WIFE AND I FOR YOU NOT TO HARM THEM WHILE THEY ARE HERE. THEY ARE GUESTS AND WILL BE TREATED AS SUCH. PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR DORMITORIES NOW." The group grumbled in defiance and many of them stayed where they were.

"Seifer, I want to see you tomorrow at noon in the training room," Zell said, continuing as if there was no interruption. "We'll settle our little score then."

"Zell, are you deaf or just stupid? The Headmaster just said..."

"I _heard_ what he said," Zell snapped impatiently. "But I challenged you before he made the announcement, and besides, you accepted. So you'd better be there." He cracked his knuckles. "I'll be waiting." He turned and jogged away. Seifer sighed and turned to go back to the garage.

"Seifer!" He recognized the voice as Selphie's. He glanced over his shoulder.

"What do you want?" She was standing there in her pajamas, arms hanging limply at her side. A sad expression was on her face. The look she gave him made him feel something he never felt before: guilt.

"You promised," she pouted.

"Yeah, well, I guess you learned something: never trust anyone." He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked away. _You're not one of us, Almasy! You never were, and you're never gonna be!_ Sharper than Hyperion ever was, Zell's words cut into his heart. _Damn chicken-wuss is right,_ Seifer grumbled to himself._ What the hell am I thinking, trying to get accepted here again? What a damned, sorry fool I am._


	5. The Fight

_Chapter Five: The Fight_

Seifer entered the garage and sat down. His two friends stared at him quizzically but he ignored their questioning glances. They knew him and knew he would talk only when he was ready. After all the commotion in the hall, he was glad for the quiet of the garage. Thousands of things banged against his head. Zell's shouts echoed loudest in his ears. He knew something like that was going to happen and he came to the Garden anyway. Now things were getting worse all the time.

The entire Garden was against him, except for the headmaster and his wife, and he had to fight Zell. That part didn't bother him very much. He was looking forward to the confrontation. It was a long time since he was in a fistfight, but he knew he could take Zell. The chicken-wuss was exactly that: a wuss. No matter what he tried to do to convince someone otherwise, he was a wuss. Seifer smiled as he played back Zell's surprised face when he punched it. _What a chicken-wuss! He won't be a challenge at all!_ Fujin and Raijin quietly exchanged confused looks. Seifer just continued to smile. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. The chaos that he brought actually was distracted him from his depression. _Leave it to Zell._

"So, like, what was going on out there, ya know?" Raijin asked timidly.

"I had a little run-in with Zell," Seifer confessed. Fujin and Raijin smiled in understanding. Nothing made Seifer happier than picking a fight with someone. And if they fought back, that was even better.

"And?" Fujin prodded.

"The ass-hole challenged me to a fight."

"Not good, ya know," Raijin frowned. Seifer growled and glared at him angrily.

"Why? You don't think I could take him?"

"No, no, it's not that," Raijin assured him, chuckling nervously. "It's just... well... uh..." He glanced at his sister for help. She sighed wearily. Her brother could talk to just about anyone, except Seifer.

"If you meet his challenge, you'll bring a lot of unwanted attention to yourself, not to mention us. I thought our whole goal was to disappear."

"It still is," Seifer nodded. "It's just... I have to do a little business with the chicken-wuss first. Don't worry. We'll have plenty of time to disappear." They lapsed back into silence. The gentle hum of the air conditioner did little to break through the thick silence that hovered over them. Seifer shifted restlessly. He wasn't used to sitting around doing nothing.

"When's this fight, ya know?" Raijin wondered. Seifer hesitated a moment before answering.

"Noon tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?" Fujin wondered. "Why not today?"

"Don't ask me," Seifer shrugged. "The stupid chicken-wuss picked the time."

"And you're really going to fight him?" she prodded. Seifer pushed himself to his feet, his face twisted in anger.

"Yes, I'm really going to fight him! What is this, an interrogation?"

"I just want you to know I'm concerned."

"Why?" He glared down at her with his cold, dangerous eyes. She quietly got to her feet and matched his gaze with her own. At the moment they looked equally dangerous.

"Because you are the only friend we have." Raijin stood up as well, though he didn't dare get between the two death-glares.

"Yeah, and friends always gotta stick together, ya know!"

"Get out," Seifer said coldly, crossing his arms over his chest. Raijin lifted his eyebrow.

"What?"

"Get out," Seifer repeated.

"But, Seifer," Fujin protested. "The SeeDs…"

"I _said_, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" The siblings nearly crashed into each other on their way out the door. Seifer slammed the door closed behind them. Even without a weapon, Seifer was not one to be reckoned with. He drew in furious breaths and slammed his fist against the closed door. He noticed that the door had a bolt, most likely used at night to keep any wandering students out. He slid the bolt into place. There was a soft knock on the door. He ignored it. He sat back down and stretched out on his back. The knock repeated and still he ignored it.

"Seifer?" Raijin's voice called to him from the other side. "What's going on?"

"Go away."

"We deserve an explanation," Fujin insisted.

"I want to be alone."

"Is it something we said?" Fujin asked. He felt something hot and wet escape the corner of his eye. _Oh, shit._ "Seifer?"

"Go _away_, dammit!" He waited for a few seconds. He was rewarded by the sound of their feet walking away from the door. _Thank Hyne._ The electric lights overhead hurt his eyes. He rolled over on his side. If he shut his eyes against them, he knew he would eventually drift off to sleep. As things were, being asleep was only slightly worse than being awake.

He wiped away the wetness that was on his cheek. He glared at his wet fingers angrily. _Dammit!_ He pushed himself off the floor and got to his feet again. He was restless; he needed something to do, something to take his mind off his problems. The answer to that would've been Fujin and Raijin, but they were just making things worse. If they didn't constantly remind him how loyal they were to him even after all the things he did, he wouldn't have kicked them out of the garage.

He was getting hot so he tore off his overcoat and threw it on the ground. He paced back and forth, trying in vain to get his friends' words out of his head. _I just want you to know I'm concerned,_ Fujin had said. Yeah, well, concerned about what? She knew him too long to fear for his safety. He could take care of himself. _Friends always gotta stick together, ya know!_ Sure they could stand close by and follow him wherever he decided to go, but they would never understand him. How could they? They were only found guilty by association. They never actually did anything wrong. He, on the other hand, did unspeakable acts as the sorceress knight. Now he had to live with that guilt, that pain, that ridicule, that nightmare.

They didn't know what he dreamt about, what sorts of awful things haunted him at night. They could never understand his torture. No one could! He came here, to the place where he had never truly belonged, in hopes of finding _someone_ who could understand. But know he knew for a certainty that there was no such person. No one had to endure nightmares like his, no one was hated as much as he was, no one prayed for death as earnestly as he did, no one understood. That was why no one would forgive him. That was why no one would miss him when his prayer for death was answered. Fujin and Raijin would feel sad, of course, but they were the only ones.

He felt completely hopeless and helpless. His strength couldn't help him through this now, and his friends were only making things worse for him. He felt lonely his entire life and never really liked it. Now he felt like loneliness was a disease eating him from the inside. Not even his friends could pull him away, because they simply didn't understand what he was going through. No one did, and every time he told himself so the loneliness grew darker and he wished more fervently that he could just pass away into blissful death. Perhaps if there was one soul out there who would reach out to him, he wouldn't feel so alone in the world. But who would do such a thing?

"I guess what I really want," he mused, "is for someone to care about me. Fujin and Raijin don't count. What I really want is for someone to look at all the things I've done and still care about me. I want someone to be there to stop me when I'm about to jump, or pull the trigger, or whatever method I use to end my miserable life. I know this is asking a lot, but what I really want is for someone to realize I'm a human being and not some monster with no heart or soul."

This was starting to sound like a prayer. Seifer was hardly a religious person, but it felt good to get this all out, even if Hyne wasn't really listening. "I want someone who can see me for who I am, not what I did. I want someone who knows I have feelings just like everyone else. I cry, and laugh, and get jealous, and lonely, and scared, just like any other person. I want someone who accepts me despite my stained past. I guess, when you get right down to it, I want someone to love me. I'm not talking about romantic love, of course. I don't deserve that kind of love from anyone. I mean the sort of love shared between close friends, or family. A love that accepts people no matter what, a blind love. Is that really too much to ask?"

He rested his head on his knees and ran his hands through his short hair. "Hyne, if you haven't abandoned me like everyone else in this damn world, please hear me." Some religious people claimed they felt a peace after prayer, a sort of _knowing_ that their prayer was heard. Seifer didn't feel this peace. If anything he felt worse than ever. He shrunk into himself, rolled up in a tight little ball. He closed his eyes and thought as hard as he could: _Strike me dead. Strike me dead. Strike me dead..._

He awoke in a cold sweat. His eyes darted around, searching for an enemy. All they found were automobiles. He breathed a sigh of relief. _It was just another nightmare._ He didn't remember falling asleep, but he obviously did. His overcoat covered his body as a makeshift blanket. He shoved it away from him. He glanced at his wrists but then remembered he didn't wear a watch. He got up from the cold ground. His nose caught a whiff of some food. His stomach growled demandingly.

He unlocked the door and found two trays of food just outside. He picked them up and brought them in, locking the door behind him. _Fujin and Raijin,_ he thought as he dug into the first meal. It tasted stale but his stomach didn't care. _But why two trays?_ he wondered. _Maybe they thought I was really hungry._ They were right. He finished off both meals in a matter of minutes. His stomach satisfied, it was now time to feed his curiosity: he wanted to know what time it was. He unlocked the door again, glanced both ways, then came out of the garage. The hallways were empty. He walked over to the information center. He chose the Time option and the current time appeared before him:

11:58 AM

That wasn't too bad. That meant he'd been sleeping for about five hours. He stuck his hands in his pants' pockets and turned to go back to the garage. _Wait a minute..._ He paused and turned back to the time. He was on the disciplinary committee for years and knew the Garden schedule by heart. Lunchtime didn't end until noon, and even then some students stuck around until five minutes after. How, then, did Fujin and Raijin manage to get _two_ trays of food without being seen? Unless...

"Holy shit!" he swore. "I slept for over twenty-four hours!" That meant that his fight with Zell was to commence in only _two minutes_! "Dammit, I'd better get over there before the chicken-wuss thinks I wimped out!" He ran about halfway to the training room before he realized he didn't have his overcoat on. _Forget it! It'd be hard to throw a punch in, anyway._ He took a few seconds to stretch his muscles. Sleeping on a cold metal ground for over twenty-four hours was probably not the smartest thing to do before a fight. His whole body felt stiff. He stretched for a while longer and entered the training room.

The familiar smell of a jungle greeted him. Zell was already there, throwing punches in the air. He looked none the worse for the punch Seifer gave him yesterday. The last time the two fought was when Seifer was the sorceress knight. Just from watching the fighter, Seifer could tell he improved since then. He cleared his throat to get the other teen's attention. Zell stopped his warm-up and observed Seifer solemnly.

"Right on time! I was hoping you'd be a little early."

"I overslept," Seifer grunted.

"You?" Zell scoffed. "You don't seem like the type."

"Everyone has an off-day." The two continued to glare at each other. "So what are the rules, if there are any?"

"There's only one, and that comes from Headmaster Cid: no deaths." Zell grinned, looking like a wolf about to pounce on his prey. "Other than that, anything goes."

"If you say so."

Seifer stood still, knowing that Zell always rushed into his first move. He was proven right again: Zell ran towards him. Seifer sidestepped the fighter easily but Zell tripped him. _Damn, he's not bad!_ Seifer quickly got back to his feet and found Zell's fist coming towards his face.

He kicked the fighter in the stomach. Instead of buckling under like most people would do, Zell ignored the pain and leapt over Seifer, delivering a kick to the back of his head. Pain shot through Seifer's brain. He quickly grabbed Zell's legs but the fighter flipped up and jammed his elbow in Seifer's face. He allowed Zell to drop. Neither of them were breathing heavily and only Seifer was bleeding. The back of his head was throbbing and his nose was bleeding. Zell stood before him, a confident smirk on his face.

"So, do you give up?"

"In your dreams," Seifer snarled.

Zell ran towards him again. _Damned idiot can't do the same move twice._ Seifer prepared to retaliate but his head screamed in protest. Zell suddenly head-butted him, knocking the wind out of him. He felt his body leave the earth and realized that Zell was actually _lifting_ him. He kicked the fighter as hard as he could but it seemed to do no good. Zell jumped up in the air and flipped over on his back. Seifer realized what the fighter was planning mere seconds before his chest slammed on the ground, Zell's bodyweight crushing him. It felt like his skull was splitting. _He's improved too much. If I only had Hyperion, this would be no problem._ Zell got off of him and amazingly helped him to his feet.

"Hey, man, let's call it quits."

"I am _not_ going to give up," Seifer argued, gritting his teeth against the growing aches. "Especially if I'm fighting _you_." Zell shook his head in bewilderment.

"Man, you're stubborn!" The ground became unstable under Seifer's feet. He tottered like a drunk. He shook his head but that only increased the pain. He rushed at Zell and tried to throw a punch, but his aim was off and he met with air instead. Zell grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him back to the ground. Seifer's head bounced on the hard ground, causing blinding shocks of pain to pass through him.

"Ow...," he groaned. Zell hovered over him, biting his lip worriedly.

"Shit! I didn't mean to do that so hard! You better not die, or I'll get expelled!" Seifer blinked. Unless his eyes were playing tricks on him, there were _four_ Zells. He forced himself to his feet again and tried to take a swing at one but then more appeared. The ground shifted, threatening to throw him off. He fell flat on his back, his head hitting the ground _hard_. He shut his eyes. Too many Zells. He felt blood. He sort of hoped he was dying. It was a lot better than living. _Strange. I just slept for a whole day, and I feel tired again..._


	6. Concern

_Chapter Six: Concern_

Darkness. A sharp, unrelenting pain. Not this again. He opened his eyes and his blurred vision soon focused. His head pounded in protest. There was something familiar about the sterile room. Another infirmary. He tried to sit up but his brain didn't like the action. He groaned in pain and sank back down on the bed. It was hard for him to think. He could still feel where his head was given repeated abuse. Did that damn chicken-wuss given him a concussion?

Seifer glanced around the infirmary. He was all alone. He expected to wake up and find Fujin and Raijin. Just like last time he woke up in an infirmary. This time there was no one to talk to him, to assure him there were at least two people who cared about him. Where _were_ those two, anyway? Maybe they thought he was still mad at them and were avoiding him. It was true he was still mad at them, but they were his only friends. He could forgive them. His head throbbed, reminding him of its painful presence. Zell, now, was an entirely different story.

_I was beaten by a chicken-wuss. How humiliating._ Then again, Zell vastly improved since Seifer fought him last. _I hate him,_ Seifer grumbled to himself._ I hate him, I hate him, I hate him._ He could be mad at that guy and never worry about forgiving him. There was an upside to being hated by all but two people in the entire world. It wasn't much of an upside, but it was an upside nonetheless.

"Well, well. Glad to see you're awake." Seifer grunted and again tried to sit up. His brain screamed against the movement but he fought against it. He finally made it all the way up. His vision became blurry for a moment but in another few seconds it was focused again. "You shouldn't do that." The speaker was Dr. Kadowaki.

"Why not?" he grunted. "It's not like it'll make any difference."

"Maybe not to you; you'll be unconscious. I, on the other hand, will have my work cut out for me. You'd be surprised how many curious spectators I've had to chase away since you got in here." His head bothered him so much he could only halfway pay attention to what she was saying.

"Uh... how long have I been out?"

"Five hours exactly." _Holy shit._

"And what about Fujin and Raijin? Where the hell are they?" he continued. He knew that the doctor wouldn't be bothered by his choice of language.

"They were here when you were still unconscious. They promised to be back in another hour or so to check on you." Seifer felt the back of his head. A patch of hair was shaved off and he could feel a bandage. _Shit._

"What's this bandage for?"

"When you fell, your head hit the ground pretty hard. There was a lot of blood." She tapped her left arm significantly. Curious, Seifer held up his own arm for inspection. There was another bandage on the skin below his bicep. "You and Raijin are now technically blood brothers."

"Raijin?" Seifer echoed.

"Yes. When he heard you needed a blood transfusion, he volunteered right away. He was the only one who did, so I guess you're lucky type O can be given to anyone." _Damn. I owe him my life __again__. I'm so weak and pathetic. My friends are always saving me from getting hurt._ There was a knock at the door. "Excuse me." Dr. Kadowaki walked over to the door. "Yes? Who is it?"

"Selphie!" came the reply. _Dammit. Not her. She's the __last__ person I want to see._ "I was wondering if Seifer was awake yet."

"I'm sorry, Selphie, but I don't think it's wise for you to come in here."

"It's okay, doc," Seifer grunted. "Might as well let her in." He was a little surprised he actually said that. _I guess I'm letting her in because she hates me the least out of everyone. I don't know. I think Zell's kick did something to my brain._ Dr. Kadowaki shrugged her shoulders in defeat and did as Seifer asked.

Selphie rushed into the room and attacked Seifer in a hug. "AAAH!" he screamed. His head was jarred, causing pain to shoot through his nerves. His body was threatening to black out again but he forced himself to remain conscious. "Dammit, Selphie! Let go!" She obeyed. Dr. Kadowaki chuckled and went into another room to give them privacy. Seifer rubbed the back of his head, scowling angrily. "What the hell is your problem, you crazy idiot?"

"Omigosh, I'm sorry if I hurt you! I'm just... _soooooooooooo_ glad to see you're okay!" she cried. "I saw all that blood and I was freaking out. Zell was scared too. He thought he killed you."

"I wish he had," Seifer muttered quietly. Selphie tilted her head to one side. She looked cute when she was confused.

"Huh? What was that?"

"I said, it'll take more than that to kill me." Selphie took a seat next to his bed and kicked her legs back and forth. "Is there some reason you're here?" Seifer wondered.

"I'm here to see you, dummy!" she answered.

"You've seen me. Now go away."

"Quit being so mean! I was concerned about you!" She gave him a cute pout. Every expression on her face was cute, and even when she bore no expression she was cute. Wait, why was he even noticing that? He focused his mind on something else.

"_You_ were concerned about _me_?" he repeated. She bobbed her head up and down. "Why?" She shrugged and absently glanced down at her feet.

"Well, I don't know. Seeing that blood, and you being unconscious for so long... It kind of reminded me of when... we all thought that you were... dead." She chocked on the last word. Watching her was a very strange experience. All of her expressions held so much emotion in them, yet still somehow retained an aura of cuteness.

Not like Seifer at all. Only negative expressions expressed what he was feeling. His positive expressions held no meaning to them at all, or at least not in his perspective. "I didn't know you very well," Selphie continued, "and I guess I still don't know you too well. All I have are memories of when we were in the orphanage. So I can't really hate you like all the others do. Because there isn't a good reason for me to hate you."

"But the sorceress!" he protested.

"She could've just as easily picked Squall, or Zell, or any one of us. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." He opened his mouth to protest but no words came out. He shook his head, bewildered.

"Selphie, I don't understand you at all." She glanced up at him and smiled.

"You don't have to. I don't understand you, either." There was a moment of silence again. "I'm glad you came back," she admitted quietly. This statement caught him completely by surprise.

"You are? Why?"

"Because now the orphanage gang is all together again, and that makes me happy." She smiled at him and kicked her feet again. "Well, I guess I ought to go and let you rest a bit." She stood up to leave. Seifer could hardly believe it, but he didn't want her to go. When he told her to leave earlier, he didn't meant it.

"Selphie, wait." She stopped and gave him her curious look. Did she ever stop looking cute? "Don't go just yet."

"But you were just telling me to leave."

"Yeah, I know. But... I really don't like infirmaries. So will you stay here for a while? Just until Fujin and Raijin show up." She stared at him, looking bewildered at the request. "Please," he added. Her face brightened in a smile.

"Sure." She took her seat again. She regarded him with her eyes quietly. "There's a big patch of hair that's missing in the back of your head."

"I know." He touched the spot with his fingertips. He blinked. Suddenly the world around him was a lot hazier. He groaned and tried to get his eyes back in focus.

"Seifer, are you all right?" Selphie asked anxiously. He held his head in his hands. _Damn, this isn't good._ It hurt to think. It felt like everything around him flipped over. He collapsed onto the bed, his eyes closing against the spinning world. "Seifer? Oh, man, oh, man! Seifer, wake up!" He could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness again.

"Wake up!" Selphie cried out. "Oh, where's the doctor when I need her? Come on, Seifer! Snap out of it!" He felt someone gently slapping his cheeks. "Open your eyes! Look at me! Please don't black out on me! I'm scared you might not wake back up!" He reluctantly did as he was told. Selphie was hovering over him, fear and worry etched on her face. She was pretty; he never really noticed it before. _Damn, that blow to my head must've been worse than I thought. I'm actually __attracted__ to her._

"The doc was right," Seifer grunted. "I shouldn't have sat up."

"You jerk!" Selphie huffed, harmlessly hitting him on the shoulder. "Don't ever scare me like that again!" She looked angry but he could tell she was relieved he was all right. _I really don't understand her._ "Now you better lie back down this instant!" She pushed him back, giving him no option in the matter. There was an interrupting knock on the door. "Who is it?"

"Fujin and Raijin, ya know!" Raijin's voice answered.

"Come in!" The siblings did so. They smiled when they saw that Seifer was awake, but their joy evaporated when they noticed Selphie.

"Uh... what're you doing here?" Raijin asked.

"I was talking with Seifer," she replied. "Now that you're here, I can go." She got up and straightened out her dress. Seifer still wanted her to stay, but he didn't say anything with his friends in the room. Fujin and Raijin watched her exit the infirmary. A few seconds later, she popped back in. "Hey, Seifer?"

"What is it?"

"Take care of yourself, okay? And _please_ don't get into any more fights!"

"I won't. I promise, and I'll keep it this time." She nodded her head and waved. Seifer surprised himself by waving back. Fujin and Raijin stared at him in confusion. "What?" he demanded. "What're you guys lookin' at?"

"Did you hit your head?" Fujin frowned.

"Yes, actually, I did."

"That explains a lot, ya know," Raijin frowned. Seifer's eyebrows rose. He could've tried understanding but his head hurt too much.

"What're you talking about?"

"If you don't know, we're not gonna tell you, ya know?" Seifer sighed and let the matter drop. He felt the familiar weight of his guilt bearing down on him. He didn't even realize it, but it was gone while he and Selphie were talking. He sort of enjoyed the buoyant girl's company. It was true he couldn't understand her, but that didn't really matter. It was just nice to have someone to talk to who didn't constantly remind him of how terrible he was and how much he _didn't_ deserve to live. He wanted to see her and talk to her again. _What's wrong with me? I'm starting to not make sense._


	7. Jealousy?

_Chapter Seven: Jealousy?_

He was free to leave the infirmary the next morning. He was glad he was finally away from that place. He hated being in infirmaries. Fujin and Raijin walked a step behind him, but this time it was because they were watching his back. News of the fight spread and the SeeDs and students in the Garden were no longer afraid of him. Instead, they boldly stepped forward to taunt him. However, these same people were still afraid of Fujin. She and her brother could easily scare off any possible enemies that dared bother them. With them behind him he could roam the halls freely.

Students they passed by jeered and shook their fists but they did nothing to harm any of the posse. Seifer was almost getting used to the treatment he was getting. He deserved to be hated, of course. He deserved their contempt, and any blow they might want to give him. He deserved all of it. They wanted him dead. He would have gladly saved them the trouble of killing him if it weren't for _her_. It was only a few hours ago that he saw her, that he heard her cheerful voice, and already- he couldn't believe it himself- he was starting to miss her. Why? He wasn't really sure. As she said, they didn't know each other very well. But still, there was just something about her that made him want to see her again. He couldn't explain it. He couldn't understand it. And he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Fujin and Raijin about it.

"This place hasn't changed a bit, ya know," Raijin noted. Seifer snapped out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"I said, this place hasn't changed a bit, ya know."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Is there something wrong?" Fujin asked him. Seifer shook his head.

"It's nothing." He suddenly stopped walking. He could hear voices traveling down one of the halls ahead of their owners. He listened and recognized the voice. It was _her_.

Immediately he felt calmer and the pain that had been following him around seemed to momentarily lift away. He didn't understand why, but he was anxious to see Selphie. Knowing that she was close by made his feet eager to move just so he could see her sooner. _What the hell is wrong with me? Have I gone completely insane? Why do I feel like this?_ His two friends stared at him in confusion. Raijin shook him a little.

"Seifer? Uh... what's going on, ya know?" Seifer didn't answer. A few more seconds brought _her_ into his vision. Everything that weighed down on his mind drifted away. He only ever saw her wearing a yellow dress or her Garden uniform. Seeing her in a SeeD uniform was something else entirely.

She looked more sophisticated than her rambunctious personality implied. Seifer wanted to say something to her but he couldn't think of anything past a simple greeting. She suddenly looked so beautiful that he was too stunned to think. He stood there dumbly, trying desperately to get her attention without moving a single muscle. Selphie stopped and for a moment Seifer thought she would speak to him. Instead she looked over her shoulder.

"Quit being such a slow-poke, Irvine!"

"I'm comin'. I'm comin'," came the reply. All members of the posse stood perfectly still. The man she was addressing soon joined her. Seifer knew little about this man, but at one time he too was in the orphanage. He wore the same ensemble Seifer remembered seeing on him the last time they met. He was about the same height as Seifer but he possessed an aura of happiness that Seifer couldn't claim. Selphie beamed up at the man.

"It's about time! You better not be flirting!" The way she was smiling told those around her she was just joking with the man. _Irvine Kinneas. What a stupid name._ Irvine chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Would I do that to you?"

"Hmm... maybe!" Irvine smiled and shook his head. Selphie slipped her arm into his. "Let's go! Let's go!" Something happened inside Seifer when he saw _her_ arm in Irvine's. The feeling that was boiling inside him was akin to anger, but not exactly. It was the same sort of feeling he felt when Raijin caught a fish but he didn't. _This is insane,_ he tried to tell himself. _I can't be. I just can't be._ Yet he knew this emotion fairly well. Selphie turned her head slightly and noticed him at last. Her face lit up in delight. As usual, she looked unbelievably cute.

"Hi, Seifer!" _Dammit! I knew she was going to do something stupid like that!_ Even as he thought that, he wasn't mad at her.

"Seifer?" Irvine repeated. He too turned his head. His eyes bugged out. Seifer calmly stared at him. "What the _hell_? I didn't think you were tellin' the truth, but... here he is! Dammit!"

"Nice to see you too, Irvine," Seifer grunted.

"What's that supposed to mean, you lousy murderer?"

"Irvine..." Selphie tugged on the man's sleeve, her face pleading. "Don't. They don't have weapons." Irvine gritted his teeth but did as she asked. Seifer couldn't stop staring at Selphie's hand on Irvine's arm. He didn't understand why, but it was making him very angry. So angry he wanted to do something about it. Irvine stood before him blocking his way, Selphie clinging onto him like a wet rag.

"So what're you doin' here?" the cowboy asked as civilly as he could manage. Seifer didn't want to answer that. He didn't want Irvine in his way. He wanted to take Selphie's hand off the cowboy's arm, then punch him directly in his face. He stomped forward and shoved the sharpshooter out of his way. Fujin and Raijin quietly followed behind him. They didn't say a word; they could tell he wasn't in the mood for talk.

"Hey, Seifer!" Selphie called after him. He stopped and turned. What surprised him was that Selphie didn't look upset. In fact, she was smiling. "Next time, say 'excuse me'." He thought of thousands of rude retorts to that. Only one escaped his lips.

"I'll try."


	8. Happiness

_Chapter Eight: Happiness_

Something was beginning to happen to Seifer. He couldn't explain it. He couldn't understand it. But he could feel that something was changing. He came to this place, this "home" where he didn't belong, knowing that he wouldn't be welcomed. And he was caught by surprise when someone actually welcomed him.

Selphie surprised him at every turn. She was worried about him when he was hurt. She was nice to him when he rudely knocked Irvine out of his way. He couldn't understand her. Why was she being friendly to him? _She better not feel sorry for me! I hate it when people pity me!_ It didn't seem that way, though. It was like she genuinely wanted to be friendly with him, no strings attached.

Why, thought? That was what bothered him. He didn't even deserve the friendship of Fujin and Raijin. What probed Selphie to be nice to him? He didn't want her friendship, or her kindness. He just wanted to be left alone. He wanted to get out and end his existence so everyone would be happy. But something, or rather some_one_ held him back: Selphie.

_I don't understand myself. What the hell's going on with me?_ There was just something about her endless cheerfulness that he enjoyed being around. It helped him forget how horrible it was to live in a world that hated him. He came back to Balamb Garden in hopes of being forgiven and it turned out he got what he wanted. It was an unlikely source for forgiveness, but he knew he shouldn't complain. There was a part of him that was glad it was Selphie. He allowed himself to smile.

"Seifer! Hey, check this out!" He brought himself out of his thoughts. Fujin and Raijin were each cradling a tray of food in their laps. Seifer found there was one before him as well. "Me and Fujin got you some food. We thought you might be hungry, ya know."

"Oh. Thanks." He picked up the tray and began to eat. He really _was_ hungry; he practically inhaled the meal.

"Seifer, Raijin and I would like to apologize to you," Fujin said quietly. "We carelessly forgot how horrible it's been for you since the sorceress incident. Forgive us?"

"I should be the one apologizing," Seifer retorted.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter, ya know! We're all good now. The next thing we should do is get outta here, ya know." Seifer set down his now-empty plate and stared at it.

"No."

"No what?" Fujin prodded him.

"Just no."

"What? You don't wanna go?" Raijin asked in surprise.

"I don't know what I want."

"So we're staying here?" Fujin clarified. Seifer nodded his head. "I see. Well, we'll be here for you no matter what." Seifer just couldn't understand himself lately. Why did he keep stalling? What was he waiting for? He didn't want to stay here, where he was forced to hide out in the garage all day long. And yet at the same time, he was reluctant to leave.

Perhaps it was because he secretly liked being home, however unwelcome his presence was. Then there was Selphie. Why did his mind keep coming back to her? A few days ago he wouldn't have given her more than a thought, but now... something was different. He suddenly liked everything about her: the way she smiled, her laugh, her cuteness, her buoyant personality, her voice, and especially her kindness toward him. Thinking about her made him want to see her, almost to a point where his heart ached in longing. _Damn. I'm going crazy._ What was wrong with him? She was just some girl. Some stupid, stupid girl. Some stupid, wonderful, _beautiful_ girl…

"There's someone knockin' on the door," Raijin informed him.

"What?" Before Raijin could repeat himself, Seifer heard the knock. Who'd be knocking on the garage door? Certainly none of the parking attendants. "What the hell do you want?"

"It's Selphie! Can I come in?" Fujin and Raijin caught his eye, shaking their heads.

"Yes," he answered. His friends stared at him in surprise. He unlocked the door and Selphie bounced inside. Seifer was so happy to see her he could've hugged her.

"I can't stay for long. I kinda had to skip class to see you." She grinned mischievously. "So anyway, I wanted to show you this!" She brandished a paper and offered it to Seifer.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's a petition to let you back in the Garden!" Seifer took it from her, studying it thoughtfully. "I asked Headmaster Cid if you guys could come back in, and he said it would be okay if enough people sign this."

"Selphie, there are only two names on here." _And one of them's yours,_ he finished mentally. Why was she doing this? He just couldn't understand her. She sighed wearily and took the petition back.

"I know. No one seems to want to sign it."

"Gee, I wonder why?" Seifer grunted sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"That's nice of you, Selphie," Raijin smiled, "but we weren't planning on stayin' in the Garden for too long, ya know. In fact, we were just talkin' about when we should leave."

"No way!" she whined, pouting cutely. "After I spent all that time convincing Nida to sign the petition? I've only got about a hundred more names to go before you guys can come back!"

"Calm down, Selphie," Seifer chuckled. "We haven't decided on anything yet. I wouldn't want to let your hard work go to waste. We'll stick around for a little bit longer, all right?"

"Woo hoo!" she cried, doing a little victory dance. She calmed herself down again, though the smile only grew brighter on her face. "Hey, I didn't know you could smile! You should do it more often! You look really nice that way, and maybe then people wouldn't be scared of you!" Seifer blushed slightly but couldn't wipe the grin off his face. "I've got even more good news for you guys!" Selphie continued. "There are three empty rooms in the dorms if you guys are interested. Beats sleeping on the cold ground, right?"

"Well, I don't think...," Raijin began uneasily.

"As long as we won't be in danger of being attacked every day, I think we'll be fine there," Seifer decided. Fujin and Raijin were completely baffled. Seifer was just as surprised as they were.

"They're near the entrance, too, so you'll be close to an exit," Selphie added excitedly. She checked her watch. "Yikes! I'd better move it! Before I go, do you guys want to hang out some time? I've got _sooooooo_ much to ask you and I really think I should get to know you better since I've got this petition and everything." Her face was so eager and bright that Seifer couldn't have refused even if he wanted to.

"Okay, sure. You'll know where to find us."

"Great! I'll see you guys later! Bye!" waved Selphie. She ran off to her class. Seifer watched her until she was out of sight.

"Is there something I'm missing here? I feel really confused, ya know!" Raijin complained.

"What's going on?" Fujin demanded.

"I wish I knew," Seifer sighed. _Why is it that being around Selphie makes me so... happy? What's happening to me?_

Just as promised, Selphie started to visit the posse as often as she could. Never before did Seifer feel such peace as he did when he was with Selphie. Unlike Fujin and Raijin, she didn't constantly remind him of what he did in the past. She was more concerned about getting to know what he was like as a person than his previous actions. With her Seifer felt human again. Fujin and Raijin were uneasy having her with them at first but they quickly grew to like her.

Having Selphie with them had its advantages: people didn't bother them so much while she was around. Her spirit affected each member of the posse. Fujin acted more like herself (although she still didn't feel relaxed enough yet to use her "other" voice) and Raijin treated her like a surrogate sister. As for Seifer, he wasn't sure how he felt about her. He was happy with her, that much was certain. His worries and grief were forgotten in the light of her sunny smile and her laugh could drown away all his sorrows. But he still couldn't figure out why he felt angry when he saw her with Irvine. Why should he care? Why _did_ he care?

"Seifer? Are you even listening to me?" Selphie demanded.

"Sorry. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"I don't know," he lied. "Just stuff."

"That's okay," she smiled. "I always tune out my teachers. So anyway, I was just saying that I got two more people to sign the petition. Isn't that great?"

"Yeah. Great," he agreed.

"Hey, can _we_ sign that thing?" Raijin wondered.

"No," Selphie responded. "I asked, but Headmaster Cid says it has to be current members of the Garden. Unfortunately they're all still a little scared of you guys. I really don't know why. It's not like you're going to burn the Garden down or anything!" _Where the hell does she get these weird ideas?_ "I'm going to go get more people to sign this. I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

"Bye, Selphie!" Raijin waved.

"Bye, Selphie," Seifer said with a faint smile. It seemed cold and empty without her around. In Seifer's opinion, tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.


	9. Old Rivals

_Chapter Nine: Old Rivals_

In the anger and strife that threatened to suffocate him, there was one who looked upon him with a smile. Having this single person around made every other hardship seem petty and not quite as painful as he once thought. There was something about Selphie Tilmitt, something he couldn't begin to understand, that made him actually _glad_ to be alive. Before her smile distracted him from the horrors he was once a part of, life glared down at him, demanding why he still breathed when he should be dead. He wanted to stop the constant mistrust, anger, and antagonism that plagued him.

Now things were different. His nightmares were decreasing and living seemed more like a privilege than a curse. Perhaps one of the best parts of having Selphie around was that no one tried to attack him any longer. Instead she hounded them with her petition until they either ran away or signed it. Seifer never got tired of watching her and she seemed to never get tired of moving or talking.

A few cheerful words from Selphie were enough to destroy thousands of harsh ones that were thrown at him. Her laugh easily took care of any jeers that rang in his mind. And her presence... oh, her presence was the thing that Seifer treasured most. Just being near her made his troubles seem so far away that he would never have to worry about them again, and every moment they were together was a blessing. He couldn't understand _why_ he felt this way, but it didn't seem like something he should worry about. He was happy for the first time in a long, long while and he didn't want to ruin it.

He quietly walked down the halls of Balamb Garden, smiling at all the familiar rooms he passed. There were so many memories in this place. He and the other members of the posse roamed these very halls not long ago, capturing students that were skipping class and chasing even more out of the "secret place". Funny that the only good memories he had of this place were when he was making someone's life miserable. _I guess that's just the sort of person I am: I make people unhappy, no matter what I do._ He tried not to dwell too long on that subject. _Hey, I wonder who's on the disciplinary committee now?_

Whoever it was, they weren't doing a good job. His keen eyes already spotted several students skipping class. He couldn't do a thing about it but inside he ached to drag them down to the detention area. There was something oddly satisfying about dragging a helpless student away, they kicking and squirming and calling for help the whole way. Seifer chuckled to himself. He could vividly remember the last time he put someone in detention. How ironic that the person was none other than Zell Dincht, who Seifer caught skipping class. Seifer couldn't help but smile. Yes, he admitted to himself he would miss being on the disciplinary committee. _Maybe we'll be allowed to do it again if we're allowed back in the Garden,_ he thought hopefully. But even if they were, things couldn't be the same. Things would never be the same as they were, no matter what Selphie or anyone else did.

"It's been a long time, Seifer."

Seifer heard his name spoken by a familiar voice. That voice brought back memories, good and bad. Seifer gently touched the scar on his face. The speaker gave him the scar, but there was so much more enmity between them than just a little skirmish. They were on even worse terms than Zell and Seifer, if that were even possible. Sometimes they could understand each other but mostly they just pissed each other off. Seifer wanted desperately to have Hyperion at his side but unfortunately the gunblade was lost forever.

He calmly turned around to face his foe. _Squall Leonhart._ This man also bore a scar, one that Seifer gave him in a "friendly" duel. Squall returned the favor, and now they mirrored each other. Seifer stared at Squall coldly, and Squall stared right back at him. The two barely moved. Their faces bore the same cold expression and the way they stood was identical as well. Squall carried his gunblade at his side but his hands were away from the handle. It was like an Old West showdown, only Seifer carried no weapon on him. Squall could go for hours without saying a single word and Seifer was extremely stubborn; the two of them could likely stand just as they were for hours. They didn't move or even blink and only the slight rise and fall of their chests showed that they were alive and not some human statues.

"It's been a while, Squall," Seifer commented at last.

"Why are you here?" the dark-haired teen questioned him. Seifer couldn't detect a hint of anger in the other man's voice, or even curiosity. Squall was like him, in some ways. They could both show as little or as much emotion as they chose. Their weapon of choice was the gunblade, and at one point they both bore feelings for the same girl, although their distant personalities would suggest otherwise. Of course Seifer's old feelings for Rinoa were limited to a brief infatuation while Squall eventually fell in love.

"I wanted to say good-bye," Seifer answered. Which was true, but Seifer was unwilling to tell Squall the _other_ reason he was still here. Thinking of Selphie made him wish she was here with him now.

"To who?"

"You, and Zell, and all the others."

"I see," Squall mused, nodding in understanding. They grew quiet again. Seifer glanced at the gunblade Squall was sporting.

"You've got the Lionheart."

"Yeah. Where's Hyperion?"

"I lost it."

"Too bad. It was a good weapon."

"It was," Seifer agreed. There was another pause. _Why is he standing there?_ _Why doesn't he just cut my head off?_ Seifer wondered. He shook his head. _Great. Where'd I get that weird idea?_ "So... what do you want?"

"I was going to challenge you to a duel," Squall confessed.

"Headmaster Cid made an announcement that no one in the Garden was to hurt us, or did you not hear that?" Seifer snapped irritably.

"It has nothing to do with the sorceress," Squall argued. "I just want a rematch."

"Nothing to do with the sorceress?" Seifer couldn't believe his ears. _I don't get it. What happened to Rinoa was all my fault. Isn't he the least bit mad about that?_ Squall was too enigmatic for even Seifer to try and understand him.

"That's right," Squall replied with another nod.

"But what about Rinoa? What I did to her?"

"That doesn't matter anymore. All I want is a rematch. I can get you a gunblade so it'll be fair." A rematch. Real payment for his scar. Seifer still didn't get it. _Best not to think about it._ Fighting Squall again would be interesting. _If the chicken-wuss improved so much, I wonder how good Squall is?_ He opened his mouth to accept, but something stopped him. Something he remembered Selphie saying to him: _Don't get into any more fights._ He promised her he wouldn't. A promise made to one of the few people who didn't want him dead. He couldn't break another promise to her. He remembered all too well her sad expression the last time he did that, and couldn't bear to see that look again.

"I won't fight you, Squall."

"Won't fight?" Squall echoed in surprise.

"No. I won't fight you."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Seifer paused, trying to think of a reason that would satisfy Squall. "Because... I made a promise to someone, and I don't want to break it."

"Oh. Well... all right, I guess." Squall smiled ever so slightly. Seifer knew Squall for a long time, and never once did he ever remember seeing the other man smile. "I understand about promises." Seifer shook his head in bewilderment.

"Squall, you've changed."

"Yeah," Squall agreed. "Love can do that to you." He quietly walked away, leaving Seifer to ponder over his words.


	10. Feelings

_Chapter Ten: Feelings_

Seifer took deep breaths He needed to give himself a pep talk before Selphie arrived. _Okay, just relax. She's your friend. I mean, it's Selphie! You don't really like her __that way__. It's just your imagination. She's just your friend. These feelings that are stirring inside you? They're nothing! Absolutely nothing! You don't have to worry about it. You just feel close to her because she's the first person to really care about you for a long time. You don't have any special feelings about her. You don't have any need to be nervous around her. She's your friend, that's all. Nothing more than a friend. You can relax. You're okay. You're getting worked up over absolutely nothing. It's nothing. Okay, I'll admit those feelings were a lot like the beginnings of a crush, but it's really nothing to worry about. You don't like her that way. She's just your friend. She's __just your friend__._ He smiled. _Yeah, that's right. Just my friend. That's all._

Fujin and Raijin were sitting quietly nearby while he went through this mental chat with himself. It was almost time for Selphie to come by and hang out with them. It was two days after Seifer's encounter with Squall and he still couldn't get over the hug Selphie gave him when he told her he refused to fight Squall. Her gesture kept Fujin and Raijin smiling long after she was gone. They obviously thought there was something going on between Seifer and the rambunctious girl, and Seifer was beginning to think so himself. He spent the past two days trying to convince himself otherwise and he was confident that it worked this time. _There's nothing to worry about. She's just my friend. I don't like her that way at all._

"Seifer! Hey, I've got the greatest news!" Seifer's heart began to beat faster. Selphie appeared, looking just as cute and cheerful as ever. All of that time he spent convincing himself he didn't have feelings for her was wasted in an instant. Selphie hugged each member of the posse and sat down next to Seifer. The warmth of her body lingered where her arms touched him. "Twenty people have signed the petition so far!" Seifer was in a happy daze, barely paying attention to her words. _She hugged me again..._

"You got a time limit for that thing?" Raijin asked.

"Nope! Seifer, you'll never believe it, but I got Squall to sign the petition! Isn't that great?" Seifer finally snapped out of his daydream.

"What?" Selphie repeated herself. "Oh. Yeah."

"What's wrong with you?" Selphie wondered with a frown. "You look a little flushed." This only made Seifer blush.

"Nothing."

"I know what's wrong!" Raijin grinned with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "It's obvious, ya know!" Seifer glared at him, giving him a look that promised great pain if the secret were told. "He's got cabin fever, ya know?"

"Oh, no! Is it serious?"

"Selphie, cabin fever means he's tired of being inside," Fujin explained patiently.

"Oh. I knew that." Her face lit up and she bounced a little on her feet. "I've got a great idea! Let's go outside! I've got cabin fever too!" She grabbed Seifer's arm. "Come on, Seifer! Let's go outside!"

"Okay..." Negative responses just couldn't be formed in his mouth while Selphie was around.

"We've got cabin fever! We've got cabin fever!" Selphie chanted as she dragged Seifer out of the Garden. His heart sang happily as he felt her hand in his. Fujin and Raijin followed, desperately trying not to burst out laughing. _I've got Selphie fever. Damn. Just when I convinced myself I didn't like her, too. What in the hell's wrong with me?_ He didn't want to admit to himself that he was harboring these feelings toward Selphie. It seemed so absurd. How could he like her? They were far too different.

"I like the Garden, but bein' outside is good too, ya know," Raijin commented.

"Yeah! It's so nice to be outdoors!" Selphie agreed cheerfully. She let go of Seifer and plopped down on the grass. Seifer was free to smile at her childish action. Fujin and Raijin were shaking from laughter dying to escape. "The sky is so bluuuuuuuue! Seifer, come down here and see!"

"I can see the sky right here," he answered.

"No! You've got to come down _here_ to see it right!" she protested. "Fujin! Raijin! Show him how to do it right!" They wordlessly joined her on the ground. Fujin lay with her hands clasped on her stomach and Raijin with his arms out spread-eagle.

"This is cool, ya know!"

"Told you so!" Selphie sang. Seifer stared down at them. He no longer bothered to hide his smile.

"You guys are being so ridiculous."

"Join uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!" Selphie insisted, stretching her arms out for him. Seifer rolled his eyes. _I can't believe I'm doing this. Then again, I've been acting crazy since I got here._ He sighed wearily and joined his friends on the ground. The sky looked exactly the same. "See? Isn't this soooooooo much better?"

"Yeah," he lied.

"Seifer, why're you always so dull?" Selphie whined, twisting on the ground so she could look at him.

"Dull?"

"Yeah, dull! You're boring!"

"Hehehe. You're boring, ya know!" Raijin chuckled.

"Shut up! Or I'll come over there and shove my foot in your mouth!" That sobered Raijin quickly. "What makes you say I'm dull, Selphie?" Seifer resumed as if there was no interruption.

"Because you _are_!" she answered.

"Explain."

"I always have to think of fun stuff for us to do! All you do is stand around! You never have any fun!"

"That's the way I am, Selphie." He felt like he was speaking to a child, but because it was Selphie he kept his tone gentle. "I've always been that way. My idea of fun is hauling someone in detention or making fun of Zell."

"Boring!" Selphie yawned. "Fun is when you do something you wouldn't normally do, and you enjoy it! Like running around the Garden without shoes on!" _Something I wouldn't normally do,_ Seifer mused to himself._ Well, I wouldn't normally like someone so much, and I really do enjoy being with Selphie. So... am I having fun right now?_

"I have fun," Fujin mentioned. "Pushing Raijin into the lake was fun."

"No! It can't be _that_ kind of fun! It's gotta be fun that doesn't hurt anybody."

"Doing nothing can be fun," Seifer pointed out.

"Hey! That must mean you're having fun right now!" Selphie realized. "Is that true?"

"Well, I..."

"I succeeded in making you enjoy yourself!" Selphie sat up and grinned happily down at Seifer. "Since we started being friends, I made it a point to make you enjoy yourself, and I finally succeeded!" Seifer sat up as well. He beat off the grass from his hair, feeling it beginning to grow back in the bald spot from his fight with Zell. Selphie's cheerfulness was so wonderfully contagious, and so welcoming to counter his past depression.

"Selphie, how in hell can you stay energetic all the time?"

"I don't know. It's a gift, I suppose."

"I would think you would get worn out after a while."

"That's what sleep is for!" Selphie giggled. "Hey, you two don't have to lie there any more. Unless you _want_ to!" Seifer saw she was distracted and took his chance. Slowly he reached out and covered her hand with his. Her skin felt soft under his calloused fingers. _Selphie, I wish I got to know you before any of this happened. Maybe then I wouldn't have gotten involved with the sorceress._ Almost as if she heard him, Selphie turned her head and smiled at him. He quickly withdrew his hand. "You're _really_ my friend now, aren't you?"

"I guess so."

"Are you sick or something? You look all red."

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Okay!" Selphie chirped. "Hey, let's run around the Garden without shoes on! It'll be fun!" Seifer shrugged helplessly. Who was he to argue with that?

"Why not?"

"Woo hoo! All right, let's go!" Selphie ran off toward the Garden. The posse exchanged looks and followed. _She has no idea. Fujin and Raijin figured it out, but she doesn't know. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe..._

Many students were taken by surprise when they saw Seifer, Fujin and Raijin running around the Garden without shoes on. They passed it off as a trick on their minds. The posse just weren't the type of people to do something childish like that.


	11. Misery

_Chapter Eleven: Misery_

Only a few days ago Seifer was contemplating suicide. He dreaded waking and dreaded sleeping, and every moment in between. Haunting memories in the day were only seconded by the nightmares at night. Things turned for the better when he decided to go back to Balamb Garden, all because of a cheerful girl called Selphie Tilmitt. It was true that she only thought of him as a friend and he felt something so much stronger than that, but after all he went through, that seemed a little insignificant. Or at least that's what he tried to convince himself.

_I've done some bad things in my past. I don't even deserve her friendship. What makes me think I deserve more? What makes me think I deserve the love of such a sweet and wonderful girl? I've been over my head the second I decided to come back here. What a fool._ He groaned as the familiar feeling of depression set in. _There are so many people that would love to constantly remind me of how horrible I've been, but they don't even need to bother. I torture myself enough without their help._ Just thinking of how much he didn't deserve Selphie's friendship made him more depressed than a thousand people's hatred could. But there was one bright point in his darkness. _At least I care about someone other than myself, Fujin, and Raijin. Even if it means I have to watch her from afar._

"Hey, you've been kinda down lately, ya know. What's up?" Raijin asked.

"Nothing special."

"A wise man once said 'you're your own worst enemy'," Fujin noted quietly.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"She means that you gotta stop beatin' yourself up for something you can't control anymore," Raijin interpreted. "You just gotta let things go, ya know."

"Raijin, do yourself a favor and shut up," Seifer growled.

"BEHAVE. BOTH OF YOU," Fujin ordered, using her louder voice for emphasis. For as long as Seifer knew her, she was the woman in his life. She played both the part of mother and sister, neither of which Seifer had the luxury of enjoying in his childhood. Now there was another woman in his life. This "woman", or in actuality, girl, brought him a ray of sunshine in his dark life. While she was away he waited for her and while she was with him he was content. It was getting so bad that he only woke up in the morning because of her, and went to sleep hoping to see her the next day.

"So... uh... what're we waitin' on again?" Raijin wondered, scratching his head.

"Selphie, of course," Fujin answered a bit impatiently.

"Heh. I should've known, ya know!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Seifer demanded, his face burning in a blush.

"Seifer, we've been your closest friends for years. I would _think_ we'd be able to notice that you had a crush, ya know!" Fujin nodded her agreement. _It's not you I want to notice, but her._

"Dammit, where're you takin' me?" The posse froze in place. They all recognized the voice. Seifer already felt the boil of jealousy inside him. Before he realized he liked Selphie, he felt jealous of Irvine's intimacy with her. Now it was stronger than ever. "That's about enough, Sefie. You're gonna tear my arm off!"

"Hush, Irvy! We're gonna see the posse!" Selphie came into view, dragging Irvine behind her.

"What? That damn posse _again_? What's with you an' them, anyway?" Seifer was barely breathing. He glared at Irvine angrily. _What's Selphie see in that flirtatious cowboy, anyway? I could be so much better for her than him!_ "Speak of the devil."

"Come on, Irvy. They're my friends! At least give them a chance." She pouted cutely, rubbing her head on his arm. In the midst of jealousy was also misery. _She likes him and not me..._

"I donno. I trust 'em about as far as I can throw 'em," Irvine grunted, eyeing the posse skeptically. Seifer calmly rose to his feet.

"If you don't want our company, I suggest you get out of here." The two were almost the exact same height so they could actually glare at each other eye-to-eye. Selphie clung onto Irvine's arm tighter.

"Let's go, Irvy. Seifer's not in a good mood."

"Is he ever?" the cowboy retorted.

"Yeah. Just not today."

"Go on! Get out of here!" Seifer snapped. "I don't wanna look at you anymore."

"Who, me?" Selphie squeaked meekly.

"Not you," Seifer assured her quickly. "The damn cowboy."

"Damn cowboy, huh?" Irvine snorted. "You talk big but you can't back it up. I hear Zell beat the shit outta you."

"Enough!" Selphie shouted, stepping between the two men. "I'll talk to you guys later, okay? Let's go, Irvy." She tugged Irvine's arm insistently. Irvine muttered something but did as he was told.

"Uh... what just happened here?" Raijin wondered. Seifer watched the couple leave, a mixed feeling of loss and relief stirring inside him. _Selphie... don't be gone for too long._ Selphie and Irvine paused after they were quite a distance from the posse. Selphie stood up on her toes and kissed Irvine on his lips. Seifer's heart refused to beat in that second. He couldn't even feel jealous. _I'm such a fool to fall for her._

His limbs shook as he watched the couple, screaming inwardly at the injustice. He knew that Selphie loved Irvine, but he hoarded a hope that she could learn to love him instead. Now that hope was all but destroyed. Selphie said something to Irvine but she was too far away for Seifer to understand it. What he did understand was the look she was giving the cowboy.

"Seifer, don't be too sad," Fujin soothed him.

"Sad? Why would I be sad?" He was too busy beating himself up for being stupid to feel sad.

"'Cause Selphie likes Irvine and she has no clue you like her, ya know!" Raijin reminded him. That remark was rewarded with a swift fist to the head.

"I know that, you moron! You don't need to remind me!"

"But you just said..."

"Shut up! Just shut your stupid mouth!"

_Why did she do that? Why did she bring Irvine? Did she think he would be friendly with us? She should've known better than that. Of course she didn't know how I would react. She doesn't realize how much she means to me, how much I love her. Damn, this is probably the worst thing that could happen to me. How did this happen? How the hell did I fall for her, anyway? I mean, she's Selphie, for Hyne's sake! She's Selphie and I'm Seifer; we're far too different. I don't know what was going through my head when I allowed myself to fall for her. What an idiot! _

Seifer took a slow breath, turning away from the painful image of Selphie and Irvine. _Now I know how futile it is. She likes Irvine, not that I should be too surprised. They were close back in the orphanage. But still, I wish she didn't bring him here. I like it with just the four of us. Now whenever I see her, I'll think of the kiss she gave him. A kiss for him instead of me. Dammit. I never had this much trouble with Rinoa. Maybe it's because I didn't care about her hardly as much as I do Selphie? I just don't know anymore. All I know is that there's no chance of me being anything more than a friend to her, and it's tearing me up inside._

For the first time in many years, Seifer began to cry.


	12. Lost

_Chapter Twelve: Lost_

The days that followed brought Seifer through a roller coaster of emotions. One moment he would be elated with joy and the next he would be brought down again by the cold reality of sorrow. Ironically the same person who brought him joy also shot him down into sorrow. Selphie didn't know the effect she had on Seifer. While he was with her the world was a much better place to be in. He could smile again and even laugh sometimes. But then he would see her with Irvine and he would plummet into the world he knew best: the world of sadness and loneliness.

Even so Seifer clung onto the moments of happiness. They were his lifeline, the one thing that kept him going day after day. He never in his life felt emotions so strongly. Before only emotions such as anger were felt to their fullest. Now every emotion he felt was so strong it nearly sapped him of all his strength. This was especially true for the growing love for Selphie. She was so important to him and she didn't even know it. Seeing her with Irvine deprived him of all his energy.

_What's this girl doing to me? I've never felt like this before. Ever._ Did everyone who fell in love suffer through this? No, Seifer was definitely an exception; he was sure of it. He was an outcast to the human race. _What's the use of caring about her? She won't ever feel the same way..._ She changed him so much in the span of days. She didn't even know it; she was completely clueless to how much she impacted Seifer. Or if she did know it, she didn't act like it.

"Selphie's late," Fujin mentioned.

"What?"

"You deep in thought again?" Raijin frowned. "You'd better stop that before you get to be like Squall, ya know!"

"Yeah," Seifer agreed absently. "What was it you said about Selphie?"

"She's late."

"She's never late, ya know," Raijin mused.

"I bet it's that damn cowboy," Seifer growled. _Trying to keep Selphie from seeing me, no doubt. That bastard! If it weren't for Selphie, I'd kill him!_

"Perhaps," Fujin shrugged. "But what do we do? Confront him?"

"I don't want to see him. We'll just wait. She'll come. He can't stop her." _She'll come. I just know she will. She'll come, and give me that beautiful smile I love so dearly._ So the posse quietly waited for Selphie to come by.

Seifer pushed the snoring Raijin away from him. The sun was beginning to sink low into the sky and still they heard nothing from Selphie. Worry was beginning to stir. Where could she have gone? Did Irvine really convince her not to see the posse that day? No, it wasn't characteristic of Selphie to leave them waiting for her like that. Something was wrong; Seifer could feel it. He rose to his feet. He had the feeling that Selphie was held back for some reason. Something was keeping her from seeing them.

"What's wrong?" Fujin asked.

"There's something wrong here. I can feel it."

"What're you talking about?" Raijin yawned.

"I have to go," Seifer decided. "I have to find her."

"Do you really think that's a smart idea?" Fujin questioned him.

"No, but I have to do it anyway." He ran off before they could stop him. _Irvine will know. He better not have done anything to her! Selphie… without you I feel lost._ He looked everywhere for the cowboy. He was wild in his search and would've knocked down someone if they got in his way. He finally found Irvine in the training room. The cowboy was idly twirling his gun around, catching monsters with bullets.

"Irvine!" The cowboy turned and took a step back when he noticed the enraged man.

"Seifer!" They glared at each other for a moment.

"Have you seen Selphie?" There was a slight pause and the two men stared at each other, this time in confusion. Irvine just spoke the same words as Seifer. _He doesn't know where she is, either. That can only mean one thing..._ Fear gripped him even as he thought of it. _She's lost. Oh, Hyne, please let her be safe!_

"I thought she was with you," Seifer said blankly.

"She went off," Irvine told him. "I thought she was gonna see you."

"She's not with me."

"Dammit! She's lost, then! Poor Selphie!" Irvine bemoaned. He looked worried about her, but Seifer felt more than worried: he felt afraid. Seifer never feared for another person's safety before. It was another new thing he was experiencing because of Selphie. "I gotta go and find her," Irvine was saying.

"Yeah. You do that." _I'm the one who's going to find her._

"Seifer, you stay the hell away from her."

"I will, but I won't promise that she'll stay away from me." Seifer smirked and for a moment he felt like his old self. It quickly disappeared and he was back to being the worried friend of Selphie who secretly loved her. Irvine ran off and Seifer soon did the same. He didn't know any places where Selphie would hide so he instead combed the entire Garden for her, looking anywhere that Irvine wouldn't think to look. It was a long task but Seifer didn't get tired. _I need to see her. I need to see that she's okay. Oh, Selphie, please be okay, wherever you are._

Something strange began to happen. It was true that Seifer cared about Selphie; he admitted that much to himself. There was now something quite different inside him. He stopped caring about what other people thought about him. He stopped dwelling on what he did on the past. All he was concerned with was finding Selphie and making sure she wasn't hurt. There was nothing else that mattered to him.

He deemed his life useless long ago but now he cared about his own safety even less. As he searched Squall's words kept repeating in his head: _Love can do that to you._ Squall didn't realize it- and neither did Seifer at the time- but he was talking about Seifer when he said those words. Seifer never cared so much about a person, never done so many things that were out of character, never felt such strong feelings before in his whole life. All of a sudden a new part of him was awakened. _Love can do that to you._

It didn't matter to him any longer if Selphie didn't know he cared. He wasn't concerned with how she felt about him. She was all that mattered. As long as she was safe and happy, and close enough to chase Seifer's demons away, he would be happy. He loved her far too much and cared for her far too deeply to worry about his own problems.

"Keep her safe, Hyne," he prayed aloud. "Keep her safe until I can find her."


	13. Found

_Chapter Thirteen: Found_

Seifer paused, resting his hand on a wall. It was only half an hour before curfew and still he couldn't find Selphie. He tirelessly searched all over the Garden not once, not twice, but three times. He was frantic. Where could she be? Why did she go off like this? Was she all right? He went outside the Garden just once more. He was beginning to fear he would never find her. There were only so many places he could search.

He didn't dare leave the protection of the Garden. Those outside its gates were unaware of how much he changed. _Maybe she's in Balamb somewhere._ If that were true then he would just wait until she came back. _But... wouldn't she have returned by now? Unless... unless she's hurt!_ If that was the case, he wouldn't give up until he found her. He found himself walking farther and farther away from the protection of the Garden. _What does it matter, anyway? As long as I know that she's safe, it doesn't matter what happens to me._ So Seifer turned his back on the one place where he was partially protected and continued searching for Selphie. Whether it was his own instincts or divine intervention, he felt a strong urge to search a nearby forest. It was lucky he obeyed this urge, for he found the very girl he was looking for sitting near the forest entrance.

"Selphie..." _Thank Hyne she's okay._ He was so relieved to see her again. He wanted to fall down on his knees beside her, to put his arms around her, to be sure this was real and not a happy illusion, to give her dear face kisses. Seifer _wanted_ to do this, but in reality he couldn't move. She glanced up and smiled at him. Her eyes were red and wet streaks stained her cheeks.

"Hi," she croaked.

"Where have you been?" He was more concerned with whether she was hurt or not but he couldn't seem to get those words out.

"Here."

"We were waiting for you."

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I needed to be by myself." Seifer's legs finally buckled and he sunk down beside her. Selphie remained silent but her watery smile grew a bit more. Seifer wanted to ask her so many things but he chose to be quiet as well. He was happy simply knowing she was okay. He ached to hold her body in his arms but he couldn't seem to bring himself to do it.

The forest was peacefully quiet in the dusk. Nocturnal animals were beginning to rouse from their sleep. Those that were awake during the day scampered off to their homes. Luckily there was nothing living in the forest more dangerous than a fox. Beside him Selphie was shivering slightly from the cold. She was wearing her sleeveless yellow dress, hardly the sort of outfit to wear in this weather. Without a second thought Seifer removed his coat and threw it over her shoulders. She blinked in surprise, staring at him inquisitively. When he made no effort to explain his action, she shrugged it off and pulled the coat around her cold body.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"How long have you been here?" he asked. _Idiot! You should've said 'you're welcome' first!_

"I don't know. A long time." Selphie let out another sniffle, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you guys. I wasn't in a very good mood today." She was so sweet to think of him and the posse even when she was sad.

"Why?"

"Because... Irvy and I ... we got in a fight."

"He was worried about you." _And so was I._ She smiled happily.

"Really?"

"Really." He felt his heart sink. _Even now... even now she cares about him..._

"Then that means he still cares about me!" she grinned. "Oh, I thought he was mad at me! Thank you so much, Seifer! You made my day!" She celebrated by giving him a quick hug before he could react. She was off in a little dream world and didn't even notice how red Seifer's face was. Her soft chuckle shook him out of his daze.

"What's so funny?" His voice sounded strange to his own ears.

"We had a fight because he didn't want me to hang out with you guys," Selphie explained. "And I told him, 'I can't just ditch them! They're my friends, Irvy!' Then he says, 'Selphie, don't you get it? They were our enemies!' " Seifer smiled at Selphie's impersonation of Irvine. "So we started arguing and I thought I had made him really mad at me so I came here. But thanks to you I know he really _isn't_ mad at me! Oh, that just makes me _soooooo_ happy!" Seifer hoped she would give him another hug but instead she leapt to her feet, beaming brightly.

Seifer felt like screaming in frustration. _I was so worried about her. I looked all over for her. I doubt Irvine looked for her half as hard as I did. I care about her __so much__ but she only cares about Irvine. Why? Is this my punishment? To be tortured by this? Selphie, why can't you understand how much you mean to me?_

"Selphie..." He sounded weak and tired.

"I'm glad it was you that found me," she mentioned with a smile. Seifer blushed, staring at her in surprise.

"Y-you are? Really? Why?"

"Because it means Irvy trusts you guys now." _Dammit! She thinks Irvine sent me out here to look for her._ Seifer struggled to fight back the tears of anger that threatened to fall.

"Let's go back to the Garden."

"Yeah, let's," she agreed. "It's almost curfew, isn't it? We'd better move it!" Seifer followed her out of the forest and together they made their way back to the Garden. Seifer never really walked directly next to someone. Even Fujin and Raijin were forced to maintain their distance from him. This time he found himself walking beside Selphie. She was a flitty companion to walk with. She would skip and run, then pause to look at flowers, then skip and run again. If she got too far ahead she would stop and wait until Seifer caught up, then she was off again.

It was possibly one of the best moments in Seifer's life. But it was also one of the worst.


	14. New Rival

_Chapter Fourteen: New Rivals_

Seifer tried to walk as slowly as possible so he could cherish this moment with Selphie while it lasted. Being with her made him wonder just how he could've lived so long without her contagious joy. _I just don't get it,_ he thought. _What the hell did Irvine do to make her love him so much? Maybe I should be asking what __I__ did to even deserve being near her..._ He sighed. Just when he was at his highest high he brought himself back down again with his depressing thoughts. _I need to stop torturing myself. That's the only way I'll ever have any peace._

They were at the entrance to the Garden now. Selphie seemed pleased by this but Seifer was anything but. He did not want to go inside and watch Selphie leave his side. He felt they grew closer during their conversation in the forest and he feared that the fragile bond would be broken if he allowed her to go back to Irvine.

"We're back!" Selphie cheered, jumping a little in celebration. "And we've still got ten minutes before curfew!"

"That's great."

"Hey, Seifer…" She turned to him. "I'm sorry I haven't gotten any more people to sign my petition. I'll try really hard tomorrow, okay?" That statement made him happy and sad all at the same time. _I guess she really does care about me, even if it's just as a friend._

"Don't worry about that. Let's just go in before curfew."

"Yeah. We can't have a former member of the disciplinary committee breaking curfew, can we?" she teased him. It was enough to earn her a chuckle.

"I guess not." To Seifer's horror, Irvine was inside waiting for them.

"Selphie!"

"Irvy!" They ran towards each other and met in the middle. Selphie let Seifer's coat drop from her shoulders in her excitement. Seifer's heart sank down into his stomach. Irvine wrapped his arms around Selphie and held her, kissing her in relief. Seifer felt his blood boiling when he saw the kiss.

"I was so worried about you," Irvine murmured against her lips.

"Irvy..."

"I'm so sorry. Will you ever forgive me?"

"Of course I will!" Seifer's temper rose up. _This is __not__ right! I was the one looking for her! I was the one who didn't stop looking until I found her! Why is __he__ the one she likes? Why is __he__ the one she runs to? Why is __he__ the one she loves?_ He felt a strong urge to go over and strangle Irvine. The cowboy turned to Seifer and tipped his hat.

"Uh... Thanks for finding her, Seifer. It means a lot to me."

"How long did _you_ look for her?" Seifer asked darkly.

"Well, I..."

"If I didn't found her, would you have gone looking? Or would you have abandoned her?"

"I would never abandon Selphie!"

"Yeah?" Seifer sneered indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry, I must be confusing you with someone else. Was it you who was looking all over for her? Was it you who was searching outside, risking yourself just so she would be okay? Was it? No! You were sitting here twiddling your thumbs the whole damn time! If it wasn't for me, Selphie would still be out there!" Finished with his tirade, Seifer took in a ragged breath. Irvine and Selphie were staring at him. Selphie looked a little frightened and Irvine looked mad. It was Selphie's expression that hurt. _Please, I don't want you to be frightened of me. I don't want anyone to be frightened of me, especially not you._

"What the hell is wrong with you, Seifer?" Irvine demanded.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _you_, you flirty ignorant cowboy?" He could hear the words but couldn't seem to stop them. "You claim to care about Selphie and yet you don't even try and look for her when she goes missing! If that's the kind of love you can give her, I don't think she deserves you." _Oh, Hyne! What am I doing? I'm practically telling Irvine I love Selphie!_

"You wanna fight with me?" the cowboy demanded heatedly. " 'Cause you're sure as hell leanin' the right way!"

"Irvy! Seifer! Don't fight!" Selphie begged them. _That's right. I can't fight him. I promised Selphie I wouldn't._

"I won't fight him, Selphie," Seifer assured her.

"Selphie, why don't you go on to bed?" Irvine suggested gently. "Seifer and I got a little matter to discuss." Selphie pursed her lips but did as Irvine requested. The two guys stared at each other for a while. Without Selphie there, Seifer was even more tempted to hurt the cowboy, but his promise to her held him back. Irvine walked over and picked up Seifer's jacket.

"I'm not going to fight you, Irvine."

"Yeah, I know." Irvine held out the coat. Seifer took it after a moment's hesitation but didn't put it on. "You may think I'm just a flirty ignorant cowboy, but I ain't stupid."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb. I _know_ you got a thing for Selphie, and no amount of denying's gonna convince me otherwise." Seifer's heart was about as low as it could get. _I got carried away. How utterly stupid of me! Now what?_ "An' let me just tell you that you ain't gonna have her."

"You don't think I know that?"

"If you know it, you don't act like it."

"It's called 'hope'. It may be small, but it's all I've got." Seifer hugged his jacket close to him. He buried his nose in the fabric and breathed in what remained of Selphie's scent.

"Selphie's mine, ya hear?" Irvine told him. "And I ain't about to give her up, especially not to some scarred freak like you." Seifer glared at the cowboy, his fingers itching to punch the arrogant man's face in. He forcef himself not to do anything rash, thinking of Selphie. "I can't stop her from being your friend, but that don't mean _I_ gotta be nice to you. You just better not try anything funny."

"Don't worry." Irvine snorted and stormed away. Not a blow was exchanged and yet Seifer felt like helost that battle.

The next day Selphie arrived right on time. She apologized for not showing up the day before and made up for it by giving each member of the posse a hug. Seifer held the embrace longer than the others but no one, not even Selphie, noticed.

"By the way, Seifer," she said, "thank you so much for all the stuff you did for me yesterday. You're a true friend."

"No problem," he answered with a shrug.

"I hope you and Irvy didn't fight."

"No. We were just talking."

"Oh, good." She gave a satisfied nod. "I'd hate for my boyfriend and one of my good friends to be fighting. Oh, guess what! I already have thirty-seven names on here! All the orphanage gang signed it, except for you, of course."

"Zell and Irvine too?" Seifer asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I kind of had to bug Irvine for hours before he finally agreed. Zell felt really bad about the fight, so he signed too. Maybe when I get all one hundred you guys can be friends!" She was so happy he didn't have the heart to tell her what he and Irvine talked about. The reality was there was no way the two could be anything but rivals.

"Maybe..."

"What's the matter? Do you have cabin fever again?" she asked, peering curiously at his face.

"No. There's, ah, something I need to... tell you..."

"What?" She blinked her eyes cutely. Seifer cleared his throat loudly, giving Fujin and Raijin significant looks.

"Uh... right. We'll just be... doing something, ya know," Raijin said uneasily.

"Right. Doing something," Fujin agreed. They left the two alone.

"What's up with them?" Selphie wondered.

"Don't worry about it. Listen, Selphie, I have to, uh, tell you something..." Seifer gazed at her face and choked. _Damn! What am I thinking? I can't tell her!_ What Irvine said to him came echoing back: _Selphie's mine, ya hear? And I ain't about to give her up, especially not to some scarred freak like you._ As Seifer looked at the girl he loved, he almost believed that what Irvine said about him was true. He knew he could never deserve someone as wonderful as Selphie. He was a scarred freak, a monster, and she would never love him.

"What is it?"

"Well, I... uh..." _Damn! I really did it this time! What am I going to do? I just can't say it! Hyne help me, I can't tell her!_ "You see, I..." _Think of __something__! I can't think! What do I do? What should I say?_ "Uh... well, er... um..." _I sound like such a moron!_

"That's okay, Seifer," Selphie interrupted him. "Whatever it is can wait, right?"

"Right." _Thank you, Hyne!_

"Oh, yikes!" Selphie suddenly jumped to her feet. "I have a test next class and I completely forgot to study! I gotta go! I'll see you later!" she waved. She took off, shouting good-bye to Seifer. _Damn! I should've told her!_ He mentally kicked himself for choking at the last minute, for believing Irvine and doubting himself. _I wonder what she would've done? Oh, well. I guess I'll never know... Dammit!_


	15. Confession

_Chapter Fifteen: Confession_

It was cold, wet, and dreary outside. Inside Seifer felt no better. He sat in his dark room, holding his coat in his arms. He imagined he could still smell a trace of Selphie in its fabric but it was just his hopeful imagination. After failing to tell Selphie how he felt about her he wasn't much up to see anybody. He ocked himself in his room and here he sat still, three days later. Fujin and Raijin were standing guard at the door.

Only one person came to visit- Selphie, ironically- but she was quickly turned away. She already put Seifer through so much grief without even knowing it. Still... still, he wanted to see her. No, not just wanted: he _ached_. The days without her crawled endlessly. It was on this cold, wet, and dreary day that Seifer unlocked his door and stepped out once again. Fujin and Raijin offered him smiles of encouragement.

"Heya, Seifer," Raijin greeted him. "We were worried about you, ya know."

"Yeah? Well, I'm okay now, I guess."

"Not okay," Fujin argued, cutting the air with her hand. "You still care about Selphie."

"I know. I... well... _you_ know." He couldn't even bring himself to say it to his friends, and they already knew about it.

"We know," Fujin assured him, sparing him from vocalizing his feelings, "but Selphie doesn't."

"Things aren't going to be any better for you until you tell her, ya know," Raijin said. "She's got Irvine, true, but... you gotta tell her. That's the only way you'll be able to go on, ya know."

"I know..."

"Let's go find her," Fujin suggested. Seifer nodded and they set out looking for Selphie. It suddenly felt very strange walking with Fujin and Raijin behind him. They assumed this arrangement thousands of times before but for once Seifer wasn't comfortable with it. He got the feeling that there was something missing in their group: a cheerful, bouncy girl who could make even Seifer's troubles seem petty. More than ever he needed her by his side.

The trio entered the cafeteria and found to their surprise that the area was almost completely deserted. A lone girl sat at a table and as the posse drew closer they discovered that the girl was none other than Selphie. Inside Seifer wanted to sit down beside her and put his arms around her, telling her how much he missed her. Something held him back from doing this. He merely stood and stared. Fujin and Raijin silently stood behind him. It was quiet in the cafeteria for some time. Finally Selphie noticed their presence. She leapt to her feet and rushed over to the posse, throwing her arms around Seifer.

"Seifer! Oh, thank Hyne you're here!"

"Selphie... what the hell...?" He tried to get his arms to go around her body, but they were frozen to his side.

"Where the heck have you been?" she demanded, cutting him off.

"I needed time to myself."

"Oh. Well, I've been worried about you." She pulled back enough to give him a searching look. "Fujin and Raijin wouldn't let me see you. Were you sick?" _Worried about me?_ Seifer repeated. It was still hard for him to accept that she considered him a friend, and now to know that she _worried_ about him! It was too much.

"No. Not sick." _Unless you call love a sickness..._

"I'm so glad." She smiled, but he detected tearstains on her face. The very thought of her crying concerned him. He would bet everything he owned that it involved Irvine somehow. _Damn cowboy. What's he done to her now?_

"Sorry we had to turn you away, Selphie," Fujin apologized, gently resting her hand on the other girl's shoulder. Selphie shook her head with a faint smile.

"We all gotta have time to ourselves. I'm just glad that everything's okay."

"Everything's _not_ okay, Selphie," Seifer said quietly. "I see it on your face. What's wrong? What did that damn cowboy do to you?" Selphie stared at him in surprise. Her expression was enough to tell Seifer he was right.

"Well... uh... I kind of want to talk to you about that..."

"Me?" Seifer repeated. "Just me?" His voice was sounding strange again but he couldn't help it.

"Uh... well... I guess it doesn't... matter..." Fujin and Raijin exchanged looks. They nodded their heads in silent agreement.

"This discussion is not meant for us. We'll go elsewhere," Fujin decided. She gave Seifer a secret wink. Fujin and Raijin quietly left the room. Seifer felt close to Selphie during their talk in the forest, and now that they were alone again he could feel that closeness resurfacing.

"What was that all about?" Selphie wondered.

"Nothing."

"Oh." She sank down into a chair, sighing heavily. Seifer's knees remembered how to work and he sat down next to her. The two entered into an uncomfortable silence.

"Selphie..."

"Seifer, I won't say this to you often, but please let me talk without interruption." This request surprised Seifer, but he was sure Selphie had a reason for it.

"Sure."

"It's Irvine!" Selphie burst out. _Just as I thought..._ "It's awful! Just when I thought we were doing so well, he goes and does his little flirt-with-every-girl trick. I can't stand it!" She paused and her chin trembled slightly. "He says he cares about me but I don't know if I believe him or not. Especially since he's always flirting with other girls." She sighed and was silent again. Seifer waited a moment to make sure she was finished before speaking.

"I don't know how to help you."

"If I ask you to do something, will you?"

"Yeah, but like I said, I don't know how to help." Selphie scooted her chair closer to him.

"Don't tell Irvine, but... please just hold me for a while, okay?" She rested her head on his chest. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Selphie was actually _asking_ him to hold her. He was more than happy to comply with her request. He uneasily put his arms around her petite body. He wanted to do this for a long time and now he finally held her. All he could feel was a peaceful happiness that flowed through his entire body.

He gently ran his fingers through her hair, relishing the feel of her body pressed close to his. _Hyne, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm grateful._ Even though he wanted to hold her for a long time, Seifer didn't feel comfortable doing it. Not like this. He carefully relinquished his hold on her.

"Seifer, what's wrong?"

"There's something you have to know..." He gazed into her eyes and suddenly felt brave enough to tell her. "Selphie, I love you." She continued to stare at him, almost as if she hadn't heard him. He repeated the declaration with more certainty. Still she did nothing except blink at him with teary eyes. _What's wrong? Why doesn't she say something?_ "Selphie?"

"What?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes. But..."

"But what?"

"Well…" She awkwardly averted her gaze. "I didn't think you were being serious." Those words cut through like a hot blade. How could she possibly think he would joke about something like this? He thought she knew him better than that. He held her hands in his and gazed into her beautiful green orbs lovingly.

"Selphie, I would never joke about something like that! I really _do_ love you and I've wanted to tell you but I just couldn't, until now." He waited for her to say something but she was mute. "Please say something."

"I... Seifer, I don't know." She looked even more awkward now and was avoiding his gaze. "I just don't know what to say... I think I need to go now..." She slipped her hands away, instead clasping them together tightly. Only seconds ago Seifer was happy, but that was all but forgotten now. His heart felt hollow inside, crushed into so much dust. He watched her get up from her chair and slowly walk away from him. He stood up as well, his movements almost automatic.

"Where are you going?" he asked blankly. She refused to look at him.

"I just need to go..."

"Just like that? Don't you have _anything_ to say? Please, Selphie. Don't leave me like this. I'm begging you, _please_." He stepped toward her, turning her so he could see her face again. She offered him a sad smile in return.

"You're my good friend, Seifer, but... I have too much to think about. I'm sorry. I have to go." He tried to take her in his arms again but she slipped away. He could only watch helplessly as she disappeared from view. _I should have known she would do that._ Still, he couldn't help feeling lost, and abandoned, and more alone than ever...

Loneliness before Selphie was bad enough. Loneliness without Selphie was torture. At the very least she could have given him an explanation. She gave nothing. She just left him. Seifer felt horrible, unloved and unwanted. He thought she understood him, that she knew he needed to be loved, but he was wrong. _I can't stand this... I can't stand this any more. The rejection, the pain... I can't... I can't do this..._

His arms still tingled with the sensation of touching her skin. From the moment he allowed himself to care he knew it would end up like this, yet he foolishly hoped for something different. Now that she killed the very last hope he had in the world, there was no point in staying in the Garden. There was no point in anything any more.


	16. Thoughts

_Chapter Sixteen: Thoughts_

He forced himself not to look back. If he did, he would certainly go back to the Garden and face pain again. Seifer went through a lot in his cursed life but this was something he could not handle. It was foolish for him to relinquish his heart to one that was already taken; he should have known the feelings he felt towards Selphie would never be returned.

Fujin and Raijin were walking closer to him than before but still not directly beside him; they must have sensed he needed the distance. They knew they could offer him no words that would comfort him. The two were merely content with staying by his side as they did countless times in the past. They were his true friends, his _only_ friends. Seifer was never more grateful to them than in this moment.

Then there was Selphie. Selphie... He couldn't get her out of his head. Her eyes, her smile, her voice, her laugh... With every step his heart called out her name, his eyes called forth her beautiful face, his ears remembered her words, his arms longed for her frame. It was maddening but Seifer couldn't help it. The more he thought about her the deeper he fell in love. He tried to reason with himself: _Listen, you damned idiot. She doesn't feel the same way. Why are you still in love with her?_ He didn't understand himself at all. There was no reasoning behind his love for Selphie, especially after she treated his confession. He loved her and that was that. It hurt, though. It hurt deep in his heart.

"You two are lucky," he spoke up.

"Lucky?" Fujin echoed in confusion.

"Lucky that you've never fallen in love."

"You're the lucky one, Seifer," Raijin corrected him. Seifer shook his head. They couldn't understand. They never gave their hearts to someone, only to have it broken. He was alone in his misery. _Alone._ That word made him shudder. It used to be no big deal. He used to go out of his way to be alone, but now... now it was a frightening idea. He didn't want to be alone, to be without Selphie. She unkowningly saved him from his own depression and now without her around it was looming over him again, threatening to consume him as it did before she came along.

"Seifer?" Fujin's soft voice spoke his name tentatively.

"Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you."

"Where are we going?" Fujin wondered. Her question was ignored. Seifer continued walking. He wanted to get as far away from the Garden, away from that place that only meant misery, as he could. On the inside he was aching with every step that took him farther away from the girl he loved, but he was too stubborn to turn around. _I have taken all the pain I can. I just can't do it any longer, not even to be near Selphie._ If he had Hyperion he would already be dead but unfortunately it was lost after that battle. He decided to find a cliff and jump off. It was too much... too much... Every reason to die, no reason to live.

"Seifer, you shouldn't ignore us, ya know," Raijin noted. Seifer turned his head slightly but still continued walking. "We know how you must be feeling but it's no reason to ignore us, ya know. We're still your friends."

"Leave me alone, goddammit!" Seifer shouted. He didn't need to hear this now. _I don't understand. The more I cared for Selphie the more I got hurt. If love can hurt people like this, then why do so many people fall in love? I love Selphie, damn it all. I still love her. Yes, I love her even now, even after she rejected me. I can't stop it; I can't help it._

"Answer a question for us," Fujin requested, "and we promise to stay silent for a while. Please, Seifer. Are you planning on committing suicide?"

"I don't know." It was a horrible lie and they all knew it. Fujin and Raijin knew exactly what he was planning on doing just as well as he did. They went through too much, known each other too long.

"Is she worth it?" Raijin asked.

"How dare you say that?" Seifer snapped, turning on his friends in a fury. "Selphie is worth everything to me! I can't... I can't... I just can't... I can't live without her, guys." His anger faded as quickly as it came and he crumbled in on himself. He pulled his coat around him and tried desperately to catch a whiff of her scent. Fujin and Raijin were true to their word; they stayed silent.

The world was cold, empty, foreboding. It loomed over Seifer, taunting his misfortune. As he drew farther and farther away from the one place where he was somewhat safe, the crushing guilt that temporarily lifted off of him came crashing down once again. He could barely breathe. _I never belonged. I tried so hard, but I never belonged there. I don't belong anywhere._ Then Zell's words to him came back: _You're not one of us, Almasy! You never were, and you're never gonna be!_ And though he was a chicken wuss, he was right.

The land stretched on before him, behind him, on every side. Seifer couldn't stop his feet from moving on, although his steps were becoming more weighted each passing moment. His body screamed for a rest but he could not stop. There was a force he could not fight driving him away, driving him to his final resting place. _I belong nowhere._ The more he told himself that the harder it got to pick up his feet for the next step. He hardly had the will to live long enough to kill himself. He continued on and on past his physical limits like a man possessed. He was thirsty and tired and hungry and hot, but none of these seemed to bother him.

Seifer was not afraid of dying. Life and death both were just words. Every person died; it only depended on when that death occurred. Most of the world wanted him dead anyway, so what did it matter if his came a little early? He wondered about Selphie. He wondered if she would miss him. Surely at first everyone who died was missed by those who knew them. Over time, however, the death would be forgotten and life went on. It was a depressing thought.

_Will anyone miss me? What will Selphie do when she finds out I'm dead?_ He knew Fujin and Raijin would miss him, of course. But what about Selphie? The thought of her crying over his death almost made him rethink his decision... almost. Fujin and Raijin would just have to explain to her that Seifer didn't belong anywhere, that life wasn't worth living if he couldn't be with her.

He reached his destination and gazed down at the emptiness that would soon claim his body. Fujin and Raijin stood behind him, watching silently. They knew better than to help him. He fixed his eyes on the abyss. Now that he wasn't moving he could feel every aching muscle in his overworked body. He was also mentally spent, his mind just as exhausted as his body. His legs shook, threatening to buckle under him. _Too weak. Can't... do it..._ He finally fell to his knees. He pushed himself so hard he didn't have the strength to fall over the edge. Fujin and Raijin knelt down beside him and he saw their concerned faces swim in his vision. His throat was parched, his lips cracked. Lack of nutrition and rest made him weak. He wanted to faint, to fall down the cliff, to sleep.

"I can't watch you," Fujin delcared. "I can't watch you die."

"Me neither," Raijin agreed. They both looked grim. "Sorry, Seifer, but this is something you gotta on your own, ya know." He and his sister exchanged nods. They got to their feet and walked away.

"Hey. Where are you going?" Seifer asked weakly.

"We can't watch you take your life. Forgive us." Fujin bowed and disappeared from view. Her brother followed her.

"Come back," Seifer croaked. His voice was too weak to carry. He tried standing up but his legs wouldn't respond. _I can't believe this. Even my friends have abandoned me._ There truly was nothing for him to live for now.

His body shook, his muscles ached, his stomach begged for food. He didn't have the strength or will to push himself off the cliff. He broke down and wept; he wept over being abandoned by his only friends, and being rejected by his only love. _I need sleep._ He closed his eyes and curled up in a little ball. There was still a chance Hyne would strike him dead. Tears wetted his face. _I miss Selphie._ Loneliness enveloped him until finally he succumbed to sleep.


	17. Dream

_Chapter Seventeen: Dream_

Seifer found himself in a very strange dream. Most of his dreams were dark and shifty, nightmarish figures looming over him with jeering faces. Nothing was real in those dreams. What he was experiencing now felt very real. He was still crunched up in a ball and he would have assumed he was really awake if not for the fact that he wasn't hungry.

He slowly turned over on his back. The clouds overhead were dark and foreboding, signaling that a storm would soon ensue. Suddenly there was a bright light that broke through the gloomy clouds. He squinted in the sudden light but he couldn't move his hands to shield his eyes. The figure of a young lady drifted down from the beam of light. She lighted on the ground gently.

As his eyes adjusted to the light he saw that it was some kind of angel. At least that's what he assumed based on her appearance: three pairs of white wings sprouting from her back. She wore a flowing white dress that swayed slightly as if a gust of wind was teasing it. Light seemed to radiate from her body. The brightest light was around her face; it was so bright he couldn't make out her features.

Seifer gaped at her in awe. He found he amazingly possessed the strength to stand up. The angel-like creature seemed so close, but when he tried to touch her all he felt was the air. There was an unearthly beauty to the creature but to Seifer there was no one more beautiful than Selphie.

"Who are you?" he asked. His voice was steady and strong. The creature did not respond. He glanced down at his dirty clothes and suddenly felt unworthy to be speaking to this celestial being. What made the situation even worse was that there were bloodstains on his white coat. He wanted to throw the coat away but her light paralyzed him. He spread out his hands hopelessly. "What do you want with me? I'm a man that has caused much pain and sorrow. There are others that deserve your presence more than I."

"Seifer.…" There was something familiar about her voice that he couldn't place.

"Yes. I'm Seifer Almasy," he admitted sadly. He couldn't understand why she was still standing there. He wanted to hide from her but there was nothing to hide him.

"Seifer...," she said again.

"Do you want to tell me something?"

"Seifer?" She tilted her head to the side and stared at him quizzically.

"Don't you understand me? Or can you only say my name?"

"Seifer!" she cried, her voice changing to a worried tone. She held out her arms to him but did not move. "Seifer!"

"What is it? What's the matter?" Now it was him feeling worried.

"Seifer! Wake up!" The urgency of her words was enough to bring him back to consciousness.

The scene that spread out before his eyes puzzled him for a moment. He was on his back facing the sky as he was doing in his dream. Only this time the sky was filled with the light of dawn. Lines of yellow stretched across the horizon and the thin clouds looked anything but threatening. That was when he realized that it really was just a dream. Then he saw who was hovering over him and questioned whether he was really awake now.

"Selphie..." He breathed her name, praying to Hyne she was real.

"Seifer!" Her face lit up in delight. He couldn't think of anything or anyone he would've rather seen at that moment. "Oh, my god! Seifer! Oh, I thought you were... Oh!" She threw her arms around him. He was too weak to move, and too confused and too happy. When Selphie let go he noticed that Fujin and Raijin were standing behind her with identical smiles on their faces.

"Selphie, what...?" He paused as a wave of dizziness passed over him.

"Raijin, get him food! He looks really sick!" Selphie ordered. Raijin came over and gently pushed Seifer to a sitting position. A slice of bread was shoved in his mouth and he managed to get it down. Another slice of bread and some water soon followed. With great patience Raijin fed his friend while the two girls watched in silence. At last Seifer was satisfied and he could fully take in what was going on around him.

"You're here," he whispered, completely bewildered. Selphie giggled and squeezed his hand.

"Of course I'm here! Fujin and Raijin came and told me you were..." She paused and grimaced at the thought. "So I came here as fast as I could. I just _couldn't_ let you... well, _you_ know!" Seifer found himself being enveloped in her arms again and this time his hand lifted to touch her back. "I was so worried about you!"

"Selphie... you're here... You're all here..." He stared at Fujin and Raijin, questioning them with his eyes. The siblings met his eyes and gave him nods as answer. Selphie was the focus of Seifer's attention as she drew away from him again.

"I was so worried," she confessed. "I thought you were going to leave me."

"What?" He still felt like he was in a dream. Selphie smiled bashfully and pretended to be interested in her hands. Seeing she didn't want to speak, he instead turned to Fujin and Raijin. "What's going on?"

"We couldn't let you go," Fujin explained, "so we decided to get help from Selphie."

"She's the only one that could've helped, ya know," Raijin added. Seifer smiled at them and nodded his head gratefully. He thought they abandoned him when really they went to find the one person who could help him in this time of crisis. He should've known better than to doubt them. But he knew that Selphie would just go back to the Garden and be with Irvine again. _Death isn't really so bad,_ he thought glumly. _People die all the time. What's the big deal? If I can't be with Selphie, there's no point in me going on._ Selphie seemed to sense he was feeling depressed again for she scooted over next to him and held his hand.

"You're not coming back to the Garden, are you?"

"There's nothing for me there," he answered. He glanced at her and gently stroked her cheek. "Nothing but you." Selphie blushed and for once didn't giggle. She rested her cheek on his hand.

"So you _will_ come back."

"No. There's nothing there for me, Selphie," he told her patiently.

"Nothing but me."

"Right."

"Isn't that enough?" she asked softly.

"It used to be," Seifer answered with a sigh. He absentmindedly played with a string of her hair with his other hand. "But I got greedy. I wanted more than just your friendship. I wanted your love. Unfortunately, Irvine has that." Selphie smiled slyly and held out her hands, cupped as if she was holding something in them.

"Here." She slowly presented her hands to him. "Be careful, though. It's very fragile." Seifer, completely puzzled, stared at her empty hands.

"What is it?"

"My love." Seifer's heart nearly jumped out of his mouth in surprise.

"Say what?"

"I had a long time to think after you told me you loved me," Selphie began, keeping her voice soft, "and I asked myself what it really meant to love someone. Your love for me was strong enough to keep you in the Garden despite all the things that have happened to you in the past. I gotta admit I never thought of love that way before. When you left I wanted to go after you but I was still so confused I didn't know what to do. Then Fujin and Raijin came begging for my help and that's when I figured it out: if you were gone, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Irvine never showed me the same love that you have."

"What do you mean?" He was daring to hope again, daring to hope she really did care. She stared at him with her eyes focused on his. He couldn't remember the last time someone truly looked him in the eyes. He became consciously aware of his scar and he wished he could hide it from her glittering eyes.

"What I mean is I love you," she answered. "I love you, and I want to be with you more than anything in the whole world. You are _so_ beautiful to me, Seifer." He dreamt of hearing those words from her, but now that they came he didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to assume she was only saying this to make him happy while another part seized the information and held it close. _I'm beautiful to her?_ _Thank you, Hyne! I don't deserve it, but thank you!_ He couldn't understand what was going on, and when he thought about it he decided he didn't really care. He held her face in his hands.

"You mean it? Really?"

"I mean it." Before he knew what he was doing he drew her close to him and kissed her lips. Every sad emotion he ever experienced was completely forgotten under the feel of her mouth. Instead he felt every happy emotion imaginable and so much more. He parted from her with a slight smile playing on his lips. Selphie, in contrast, was beaming brightly. She still had her hands cupped.

"I love you," Seifer declared.

"Here." Selphie held out her hands again. "You forgot to take my love." Seifer cupped his own hands and Selphie gently let her imaginary load fall into them. "You better put it somewhere safe." Seifer brought his hands to his heart.

"Is this safe enough?"

"That's the perfect spot." Selphie mimicked his gesture. "And this is where I'll keep your love." It seemed a little cheesy to him but it made Selphie happy. Her bright smile was so contagious it spread over Seifer and his two friends. Selphie wiggled into his waiting arms and pressed her lips to his in a loving kiss.

"Guys?" Raijin's voice broke up the tender moment. The new couple parted, glaring at him irritably. "I'd hate to ruin this, ya know, but what're we going to do now? Do we wander forever or do we go back to the Garden?" Seifer stood up, helping Selphie up as well. All eyes were on him as he thought about this. At last he turned to Selphie.

"I'll go wherever you go. I belong with you; that's all that matters." She gaped at him with a mixed look of joy and anguish.

"Then... that means I have to leave the Garden."

"What?"

"Don't you get it, Seifer? You can't go back to the Garden, and I can't go anywhere without you. So I have to go with you guys. Wherever the road before you may lead, I will follow you, my white knight." She kissed Seifer's scar tenderly. No one ever dared do that before. It gave him a wonderful feeling. "That's my promise to you." Seifer was pleased at her declaration, and touched beyond measure that she loved him that much.

"Thank you. I don't deserve..."

"Hush!" she hissed, poking him with her finger. "You say that word too much!" She grabbed his hand then took Fujin's, who then took Raijin's. "Let's go! You lead the way!"

"Okay..." Seifer took a deep breath and took his first step in a new life.


	18. Journey

_Chapter Eighteen: Journey_

He was a tall, proud man. He bore a scar that was given to him in a "friendly" duel with another who owned a gunblade. There was also a scar hidden inside his heart, a scar that formed because of all the terrible things he did in his life. His outward scar was merely showing what the wound looked like on the inside. He once mocked people, once frightened them, once killed them... Things were different now.

Seifer no longer carried a weapon at his side and instead of a sneer his face bore a smile. His inner scar was now healed, never to bother him again. At his side was a petite young girl wearing a yellow dress. She laughed and danced around, and sometimes calmed down long enough to hold his hand. On his other side were his two closest friends, the two that chose to follow him no matter where his feet took him. One was silent in her private musings while the other spoke loudly, adding "ya know" to the end of almost every sentence he spoke. Things couldn't have been better.

Seifer Almasy, Selphie Tilmit and the siblings Fujin and Raijin were all living without a home. They all at one time claimed residence to Balamb Garden but they were all forced to leave it behind. Seifer and his two friends no longer belonged to the Garden; Selphie left it of her own free choice. Now they were traveling together. They had no destination and no reason to stay in a certain spot for any given amount of time. They were free to come and go wherever they wanted whenever they wanted.

Seifer and his friends were used to this sort of living but it was a new experience for Selphie. She got overly excited when they set up camp for the night and in the mornings she was the first one to wake up, eager to start the day. Every day Seifer fell in love with her more and more. No matter what she did Seifer loved her. Even if she stubbed her toe and started crying like a little girl, Seifer loved her. Even when she threw a temper tantrum because she didn't get to help set up camp, Seifer loved her. He was beginning to find it impossible _not_ to love her.

The relationship between Seifer and Selphie steadily blossomed during their travels. Seifer grew to love her during their time together in Balamb Garden and now Selphie was beginning to fall for him in the same manner. She saw him for who he truly was and loved him for it, flaws and all. In her eyes he was a caring and loving man, not like the heartless monster most people saw. Without the weight of accusing eyes or the danger of attack, Seifer relaxed and allowed this softer side of him to come out.

They often were up late talking about different things. Selphie liked to stargaze and trace constellations with her finger. Seifer didn't have her imagination but he did designate one of the stars as "theirs". More than once Raijin caught them in each other's arms in the morning and almost every night Seifer found Selphie crawling up next to him. When he asked her why she did this she explained that being close to him made her feel safe. He loved it when she told him things like that. And it was moments like those that convinced him he should definitely... Well, he didn't know whether he would or not. Everything was happening so quickly; things were going his way for the first time in a very long time. Did he dare to risk everything and...?

"Tell me what you're thinking about!" Selphie chirped, snuggling up against Seifer. They were taking a rest near a stream. Selphie was cooling her feet in the water and sometimes she would splash a little of it on Seifer or one of the others.

"I'm thinking about you," Seifer answered.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Selphie giggled and kissed Seifer's cheek. He turned bright red and tried not to look too much like an idiot as he grinned. Selphie possessed the ability to draw more smiles out of him than anyone he knew. "Anything about me in particular?"

"Well, uh..." Seifer paused and glanced at Fujin and Raijin. He wasn't sure how they would react to what he was about to do. He turned his eyes on Selphie and immediately decided he didn't care what his friends did. Seifer took the former messenger girl's hands in his. "There's something I want to ask you. It's very important."

"What is it? What is it?" She wiggled impatiently.

"Selphie, dear love of my life... Will you... Marry me?" Fujin and Raijin both looked like their eyeballs were about to pop out of their sockets. Seifer took only a moment to notice this before Selphie tackled him in a hug. She gave him a long kiss that left a goofy grin on both of their faces. It took a few minutes for her to calm down enough to form an answer.

"Oh, yes! Definitely! I would love to be your wife, you dear handsome man!"

"And I would love to be your husband, you wonderful beautiful woman," he replied, kissing her smiling lips.

"Do I have a ring?" she asked eagerly. Seifer's face fell; he didn't think that far ahead. He patted his clothes but couldn't find any rings. _Damn! I wish I owned some jewelry!_ He checked all the pockets in his white overcoat but to no avail. He held his coat in his arms for a moment and was struck with an idea.

"Hey, Fuu. Do you have a knife or something?" Fujin nodded her head and handed him the requested item. Two pairs of eyes and one single eye watched with interest as he cut off a section of fabric on the coat. "Hold out your left hand, Selphie." She did so, looking more curious than anything else. He tied the fabric around her ring finger and then kissed it. "There you are, dear."

"It's the best ring ever!" Selphie squealed. "But wait! You need a ring too!" She took off her necklace and took off the ring pendant she always wore. She slipped it onto his ring finger. "There! Isn't it pretty?"

"Thank you," he whispered. He could feel a lump in his throat.

"Hey!" Raijin bellowed, as usual being the one to interrupt intimate moments. "We gotta be in on this too, ya know! I wanna be the minister."

"I'm a witness," Fujin added.

"So let's marry you up right, ya know."

"Ooh! You mean right _now_?" Selphie grinned.

"Sure. We've got nothin' better to do, ya know." Seifer and Selphie eyed each other. They shared a smile. "Okay, you first, Seifer. Do you take Selphie to be your wife? To have and to hold from now until the day you die?"

"I do," Seifer answered without hesitation.

"Selphie, you wanna be Seifer's wife, ya know?"

"I sure do!" Selphie proclaimed.

"Then you're man and wife, ya know! So kiss the bride!" Seifer gladly obliged. Fujin hugged the new bride and congratulated Seifer. Raijin gave both a big hug.

"We're married now, aren't we?" Selphie wondered, absolutely beaming with joy. Seifer put his arms around his new wife. _Wife._ It was a beautiful word.

"We certainly are."

"So that makes me Mrs. Selphie Almasy!"

"It does."

"Oh, good! I like the sound of that!" She gave her husband a kiss. _Husband_. Seifer liked that word even better. "Well, come on! Now we gotta have our honeymoon!"

"But where will we go?" Seifer asked her.

"It doesn't matter! The whole point of a honeymoon is that the two of us are together!" She took Seifer by the hand so he could feel their new rings. "And that's the whole reason I came with you on this trip: to be with you." He smiled and allowed her to drag him along to wherever she was going.

"I love you, Selphie. More than anything else on this earth."

"Seifer, I love you so much I won't ever be able to express it all to you!" _And now that we are joined together, I don't think I can be happier. This is what life is all about. Thank you, Hyne. I know you're out there now..._

That night Seifer and Selphie shared their first night together as a married couple. Fujin and Raijin could tell this marriage would be one that was going to last. The two siblings weren't much on praying, but they did offer up a prayer to Hyne that their friends would be happy together and that they would have many years and many children. And many happy memories.


	19. Sacrifice

_Chapter Nineteen: Sacrifice_

If the day forecasted what was to follow, then the wanderers should have seen it coming. The sky was dark with storm clouds so thick the sun could not break through. A dreary, murky gloom hung over the land and even Selphie found it hard to be cheerful. There was a blanket of quiet that day; no birds chirped, and there were no animals to be found scampering about. It seemed as if all of nature could tell something was going to happen and was hiding from it.

Even the landscape was becoming more foreboding with threatening mountains looming over the four wanderers. Seifer wasn't afraid; he went through much worse than a stormy day. Selphie shivered at his side, clinging to his arm. Raijin was quieter than usual and Fujin seemed restless. They could all sense there was something not quite right about that day but they never suspected what it was. How were they to know?

They came upon a stretch of land that was fairly flat. Not even weeds interrupted the smooth grass and in the far distance they could make out the beginnings of a town. One month passed since Seifer, Selphie, Fujin and Raijin left the Garden. They could walk into almost any town without being recognized. Seifer was glad that people finally forgot about all that sorceress nonsense. He credited their forgetfulness to Selphie, along with all the other good things that were happening in his life. The two of them were one in the bonds of matrimony and there wasn't anything in the world he would've loved better than to be by her side. With the sky threatening to unleash an assault of rain and lightning upon them, the group agreed it would be best to seek refuge in the town they were coming upon.

They should have seen it coming. Seifer above all of them should have anticipated it, but he was too happy, too busy floating in a dream to notice things as he did in the past. He grew careless in his joy and didn't take notice of details like he used to. The town was quiet. There were lights flickering in the windows but they were dim. Children could not be heard; dogs did not bark, cats did not meow. Selphie tightened her grip on Seifer's arm.

The quartet paused a few meters away from the town. Was it a ghost town? There was too much of an air of desertion. They huddled together to quietly discuss the situation and decided they could rest here even if there was no one occupying the town. They started toward the town again but stopped when they saw several young men walking out of buildings carrying guns.

"What's going on, ya know?" Raijin asked nervously.

"UNSURE," Fujin responded in her "other" voice. She always lapsed into it when she was around strangers.

"Stop!" one of the men shouted, shouldering his gun threateningly. "Stop there and tell us who you are!" Fujin and Raijin immediately turned to Seifer. They sent him a mental order: "You do it." Seifer stepped forward with his arms spread open in a sign of peace.

"We're four weary travelers who would like to rest at your inn."

"Who are you?" the man repeated; apparently he was either the town's mayor or some other important figure. "Answer my question, dammit!"

"Please, we mean you no harm." There was a pause as the group of men conversed with each other. The mayor pointed his finger at Seifer several times. The others around him said something to make him jerk a little.

"You!" the mayor spat, pointing an accusing finger at Seifer. "I know you!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't play innocent! You're that knight!"

"I... what?" Seifer glanced over at Fujin and Raijin. "Is this guy crazy or what?" he commented quietly. The siblings shrugged their shoulders simultaneously. Seifer turned calmly back to the mayor. "I'm sorry, sir, but I..."

"You shut your mouth, you murderer! I know you're the sorceress knight!" All four froze in horror. Selphie was now holding Seifer so hard his arm was growing numb. Along with the rest of his body.

"I... I..." Seifer was speechless. How was he going to get out of this situation?

"How dare you come waltzing into our town? You scum! I'll blow your goddamn head off!" The mayor cocked his weapon to show he wasn't kidding. Seifer gently pried Selphie's fingers from his arm and stepped away from his three friends.

"Go ahead and do it."

"No!" Selphie screamed. "Don't you dare, mister! This man here... I love him with all my heart! If you take him away, I'll... I'll scream!" Tears were streaming down her face already. If ever it were possible for Seifer to love her more than he did already, it was in that moment. "Listen, I know he's done some bad stuff, but he's different now! He hasn't done anything wrong!"

"You be quiet, girl!" the mayor snapped. Seifer tried desperately to keep his anger in check. He didn't mind hatred directed towards himself, but _no one_ talked to Selphie that way.

"Leave her alone. It's me you want, isn't it?"

"You and anybody that follows you," the mayor sneered.

"No, leave them out of this."

"Shut up! I'm not taking orders from you."

"I have no reason to fight you, sir." Seifer held up his empty hands at eye level. "If you allow us to leave this town in peace..."

"No! You're not gettin' away from me! After all you did, you really think I'll let you just walk away? This will teach you!" Seifer heard the gunshot and it seemed to him that his world froze. His life flashed before his eyes. He heard stories of people seeing their lives again before they die but he never experienced it himself. It was a humbling experience.

All of the terrible things he did in the past seemed more vile and horrible than he remembered. Thankfully those times passed very quickly and he soon relived the wonderful moments with Selphie, Fujin, and Raijin. _Am I going to die?_ he thought with a twinge of fear. He thought it ironic that he was afraid of dying now that there was something to live for; not long ago he literally begged to be struck dead. _Oh, no. Please. I don't want to die now. Now that I finally have something worth living for. I can't leave Selphie! Hyne don't take me now, not now of all times!_ Then time started up again and he was still standing. He thought for a moment that the guy missed, but then he noticed the body at his feet.

"Selphie!" Seifer stared in numb shock, watching blood slowly blossom from the wound. "Selphie… This- this isn't real." He fell to his knees beside his wife and turned her so he could see her face.

"Don't hurt him…," she whispered faintly. "Don't hurt him...

"I'm okay, Selphie," he assured her. His shaking fingers touched where the bullet entered. It couldn't be as bad as it looked… Right? Selphie smiled a little and stared up at him. He tried his best to smile back before turning to glare at the villagers. "Don't just stand there! She's been shot! Go and find a doctor!" The group meekly turned and ran into the town. Fujin and Raijin sank down on the ground next to Seifer.

"Hey, Seifer...," Selphie began. Her voice sounded airy. Seifer was far too shocked at her being hurt to move just yet.

"Yes, what is it?"

"It didn't hurt. I'm okay."

"That's good, but I still want to have a doctor look at you." He kissed her forehead.

"Hold me... please," she whispered. He obeyed, wrapping her arms tenderly around her. His hand felt sticky. He moved it away from her and saw with horror that it was stained with blood. He shuddered and closed his eyes for a moment to block it out. _No. No. This is not happening. This can't be happening._ Tears threatened to escape his eyes. Selphie grasped his hand in hers.

"Hyne, please don't take me away from him… I love him so… I want… I want to live with him… Oh, please…."

"You're not going anywhere," Seifer told her, his voice quivering. "I won't let you go."

"Seifer?" He opened his eyes again and stared into the eyes of his one and only love.

"Yes, dear, what is it?"

"I love you. You've made me so happy." She smiled brightly, looking so much like her old self Seifer was beginning to think the wound really wasn't that bad. "Just… promise me you won't do anything stupid, okay? You've got so much life to lead, and…" Her eyes flickered a little. "And you might have to live it for both of us."

"Hey… Don't talk like that." It was getting hard to breathe. This wasn't happening. It was all a horrible nightmare, and any moment now Seifer would wake up to see Selphie safe and whole in his arms.

"Seifer." Raijin's voice broke through his daze. "The villagers are comin' back, ya know." Seifer looked and sure enough the men were returning. Fury spiked up and this time he couldn't hold it in.

"You bastards! She's bleeding to death because of you! I'll kill you!"

"Calm down." One of the men tentatively approached. "I'm a doctor. I'm here to help." Seifer didn't trust them, but there was no other choice with Selphie in this condition. But he refused to let them touch her; he wanted to be the one to carry her back to the town's clinic.

This was going to turn out to be another reason to hate infirmaries. Carefully Seifer rested his wife on an unoccupied bed, keeping a tight hold of her hand. Her grip was weak but she held on.

"I'll do all I can for her," the doctor assured him. "But please, I need room to work." Seifer was very reluctant to leave her. He gave the girl a kiss on her forehead, then a lingering one on her lips.

"Whatever happens, I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she responded. "And Seifer… Don't forget the promise."

"I won't. I promise." Their fingers slowly slipped away from each other, and then she was gone from his sight.

Seifer anxiously twisted his wedding ring around his finger. Fujin and Raijin were a quiet but comforting presences as they waited. The nightmare was still going on but Seifer told himself Selphie would be all right. The world simply could not go on without the cute messenger girl. Though it might've only been a few hours, for Seifer it felt like years passed before the doctor finally emerged.

"I did everything I could, but…"

"What?" Seifer shoved past him into the infirmary. Selphie was where he left her, her eyes closed as if she were sleeping. He approached and touched her hand. Her skin felt cold under his fingers. He heard the doctor come back and whirled around, slamming the man against the wall. "How could you let this happen?"

"I'm sorry!" the man sputtered. "She was bleeding internally! There was nothing I could do!" Seifer dearly wanted to snap the guy's neck but he thought of Selphe. He wasn't about to break promises he made to her, no matter how much this doctor and the rest of the village deserved his wrath. Gently he released the man and turned back to Selphie.

"Selphie… I can't believe it. What do we do now, ya know?" Raijin moaned. His eyes were glimmering in tears and Fujin's head was bowed. Seifer took Selphie's cold hand in his, squeezing tightly. He would live life for both of them. That was a mental promise he made to her.

"We're going back."

"BACK?" Fujin repeated.

"Back to the Garden." Fujin and Raijin stared at him in horror.

"You're kidding, right?" Raijin gulped.

"No."

"But... after all this... why go back, ya know?"

"We need to take Selphie home."

"Oh, man, oh, man. I sure hope you know what you're doing, ya know," Raijin sighed, shaking his head. Seifer picked up Selphie's lifeless body and began his journey back to Balamb Garden.


	20. Tears

_Chapter Twenty: Tears_

He walked on with a cold determination. Fujin and Raijin were one step behind, quietly following him as faithful as ever. They were all he had left in the world now that Selphie was gone. Seifer cradled her lifeless body in his arms, trying hard to not look at her face. He still found it hard to believe that she could be taken away from him like this. Just when he was finally happy, just when everything about the world was fine, the one thing to live for was taken away. There was always Fujin and Raijin, but they could never make him as happy as Selphie did.

Seifer wanted to join her, to end this new misery, but he could not. He promised her he wouldn't. He glanced down at the love of his life and was forced to stop his trek. An anguished sob escaped his throat. _Why, dammit? Why is life so cruel?_ Hyne played a dirty trick: Seifer was allowed to love, and to be loved, and then the object of that love was forcibly taken from him. _Why? Why was I given the chance to fall in love if I was only going to lose her?_

Her face, once so happy, would never bear a smile again. He would never hear her voice again, or look her in the eyes, or… _Damn you, Hyne! How dare you take her from me?_ Fujin gently rested her hand on his shoulder. He smiled weakly back at her. He needed to go on. There was something left for him to do. He picked up his feet and continued to walk. Back to the place he didn't belong, he never belonged, nor would he ever belong. His home. Her home. _Their_ home.

As the Garden came into view he saw several familiar figures outside the gates. _Damn. Just what I need._ He paused again; he didn't want to face them now. After all he went through, he was not in the mood for any more antagonism. But there was no other choice. He needed to face up to his problems and continue. He would live for both of them now, just as Selphie asked him.

His pace began to slow. He was in no hurry to face these people. He continued on, staring ahead and focusing on his goal. One of the figures noticed him and gave a happy yelp. _Zell._ The fighter spoke to his companions, pointing to the oncoming posse excitedly. Another person stood up and grinned. _Irvine._ He and Zell looked too excited to move. Seifer wondered what they were excited about. This was not an occasion to be happy. Of course, they didn't know the terrible truth yet. Squall was with them as well, and Rinoa and Quistis. They were all there. Irvine and Zell ran up to the posse.

"Selphie! Selphie!" Zell cried out the girl's name excitedly. "We were all so worried about her!"Seifer stopped and stared at the fighter blankly.

"Is she okay?" Irvine demanded. "Is she hurt?" Seifer's body began to shake slightly.

"Hey, Squall!" Zell shouted over his shoulder. "Go tell everyone that Seifer brought Selphie back!" Squall saluted and ran inside the Garden. "We were worried sick. Thanks for bringing her back." Seifer couldn't stop shaking. He could feel tears forming in his eyes. _Oh, no. Please don't let me cry in front of these guys._ Soon the entire Garden was outside. They were all demanding to know if Selphie was okay. Seifer wished they would all just go away.

"Hey, what's wrong with her?" Zell asked.

"She... she's ... gone," Seifer answered thickly. He felt a tear escape his eyes. _Dammit._

"What?" Irvine frowned.

"She's... dead..." It was the first time Seifer spoke the word out loud. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. "She... she was... killed..." He was shaking so hard he could barely hold her. He gently set her on the ground, then fell down on his knees next to her. Irvine and Zell stood in a stupor.

"Dead?" Irvine croaked weakly. The crowds parted and Headmaster Cid came up to them.

"What's happening here?"

"Selphie's gone, Headmaster," Zell told him, his voice hollow. "She's dead."

"How did this happen?"

"I'll tell you." Seifer got to his feet and glared at the population of Balamb Garden. "You!" He pointed an accusing finger at them; they recoiled in fear. "You all hated me from the very start! I came here hoping for someone to understand that I was still a human being. But you couldn't forgive me! You just kept right on hating me! But Selphie..."

Here he paused to collect himself. _I won't cry._ "Selphie cared about me! Selphie realized I was a person, and that I had made a mistake! And believe it or not, I fell in love with her. Yes, it's true. The sorceress knight fell in love! But even with her by my side, the hatred didn't stop. And it was hatred that took Selphie's life! She loved me, and she paid for it with her life! It's your fault! You killed her! You just couldn't accept that I changed! Look what your hatred has done! You still hate me? You still want me dead? Fine! But please... don't kill me yet. I promised her I wouldn't..." He choked and couldn't speak any longer.

Dead silence. The Garden students shifted uneasily and slowly began to file back inside. Now only the former orphanage gang, Rinoa, the headmaster and his wife were left.

"Seifer?" Seifer looked up. Zell's eyes were brimmed with tears. "You came back. Why?"

"There was no other choice. She belongs here. And I... I belong with her. So like it or not, I'm staying here."

"I'm sorry, Seifer." Zell was actually apologizing to him. "I'm sorry for hating you." He held out his hand. Seifer stared at it hesitantly. After a moment's pause, he shook the hand of his one-time enemy. Irvine stepped up next. He took off his hat and gazed down at Selphie's body.

"I... really cared about her."

"I know."

"She was happy with you, right?"

"Yes."

"Good. That's all I wanted to know." Irvine smiled a little and shook Seifer's hand. He and Zell stepped back so others could pay their respects.

"Seifer..." Seifer acknowledged Quistis with a nod. She observed Selphie sadly. "She... was like... a sister..." Quistis shook her head and wiped away the tears. Rinoa gently propelled her away, returning to kiss Seifer on the cheek.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. All he could do was nod gratefully. Headmaster Cid patted Seifer on the shoulder. Edea gently squeezed his hand. Squall was the last to come up. The two men stared at each other for a long time. Squall suddenly surprised Seifer and everyone else present by giving his rival a hug. He broke the embrace and looked a little embarrassed by it. Seifer just shrugged it off.

"You know," Squall commented thoughtfully, "I'm going to miss her."

"I miss her already," Seifer admitted huskily. The world was a cold, lonely place without Selphie Tilmitt-Almasy, and everyone could feel it. The remaining group quietly turned back to the Garden. Finally it was just Seifer and the posse. Raijin bent down and patted Selphie's cold hand gently.

"It won't be the same without you, ya know?"

"Good-bye, my dear friend," Fujin whispered, embracing Selphie for the last time. Seifer knelt down next to his wife and stared at her face, imprinting it into his mind. He gathered her dead body in his arms for one final embrace, kissing her face as tears began to fall. He took her left hand and kissed her "ring".

"I love you." He kissed her cold lips and gently rested her body back on the ground. He stood up, hardly knowing how he had the will to do so. Tears were now streaming down his cheeks but he no longer fought them. He, Fujin, and Raijin quietly wept together over their loss.

_Before Selphie, my life was a cold and miserable existence. Only Fujin and Raijin really cared about whether I lived or died, especially after the sorceress incident. Nightmares constantly tormented me and I wondered if it was even worth living. I thought I was going crazy when I decided to return to the Garden but it turned out that was the best decision I ever made. Selphie accepted me and cared for me like all of her friends. I was happy to be accepted at last and I found myself falling for her. At first she didn't seem to think of me as any more than a friend, but in time she returned the love I wanted._

_With Selphie by my side I was no longer plagued by nightmares. Instead each night gave me happy dreams of the future we might have together. When guys fall in love, they sometimes call the girl they love an angel. Selphie was definitely mine, and so much more. I was happy with her, but like all good things, this too came to an end. Selphie was taken away from me too soon. I was forced to live without her, to be haunted by happy memories of her. I now live for both of us like she wanted. It's been so long since I've heard her voice or seen her smile but I can remember every detail of her. I still wear our "ring" and I have yet to fall in love again. It's just as well. There's no one living on this earth who could ever take the place of that messenger girl._

"Seifer! Seifer! I wanna play!" Seifer turned around and smiled at the boy who was calling his name. The boy waved to him with the toy gunblade he clutched tightly in his small hand. He looked so much like his father but his hair was dark like his mother; luckily he inherited his mother's personality, too.

"I'm coming, Gale." Seifer walked toward the boy, smiling to himself.

_When Selphie died, she left me with nothing. But that's okay, since she already gave me everything..._

**~End**


	21. Ten Years Later

Author's note: It's been ten years since I wrote this story, and I finally decided to go back to it. As some might have noticed, I changed the title, and did some editing to make the story better. I hope all fans will go back and read again and enjoy it just as much as they did before. Thank you for all your support!

_Ten Years Later…_

The group all stood patiently while she arranged them to fit in the picture frame. Although they were all adults now she was still Sis to them and they couldn't help but indulge her. After several minutes of balancing them out she finally seemed satisfied. The two tallest in their group were flanking either side: Seifer stood in his trademark white coat with a faint smile touching his scarred face while Irvine was cradling his hat in one hand so his long brown hair was exposed.

Irvine rested his other hand on Quistis's shoulder. Her hair was pulled up as always with square glasses perched on her nose. Standing next to Seifer was Squall, who chose to let his hair grow out so it was now covering his neck. Rinoa leaned next to him, one arm threaded through his, wearing a bright smile on her lips. Zell still chose to be the goofball of the bunch, crouching up front giving the camera a thumb's up. Ellone instructed everyone to hold their smiles then clicked the shutter to preserve their image.

Seifer separated from the group to take a walk. It was incredible to think that ten years ago he would've punched Zell in the face or attacked Squall with a gunblade rather than standing near either of them. It could've been chalked up to maturity, but Seifer knew there was another reason. As if his feet were following his thoughts, they steered him toward her grave.

He tried to visit her as often as he could, bringing her flowers and keeping her grave tended. _Selphie Tilmitt-Almasy_ it read, followed by the dates of her birth and death. All these years later and seeing those numbers still made him choke up. It was hard not to picture her: her cute smile, the yellow dress and boots she always wore, the way her eyes twinkled… Seifer took a deep breath, his fingers touching the ring he wore on his left hand.

"Seifer! Seifer!" A child's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned, seeing Squall and Rinoa's son waving energetically with a toy gunblade. "I wanna play!"

"I'm coming, Gale." He approached the boy and obediently followed as Gale ran off to where the other kids were playing. Seifer remembered the day Gale was born and Squall asked him to be the child's godfather. Incredible how former rivals could grow that close. Just one of the things Seifer could thank Selphie for.

Once Gale was satisfied that Seifer would be close by, he rushed off to challenge one of the Garden children to a pretend duel. Seifer reflected on how many of these children were produced by students who he once tormented. That part of his past wasn't forgotten but everyone now respected him for who he became: an occasionally patient gunblade instructor and supervisor of the Disciplinary Committee.

Fujin and Raijin were an equally accepted presence in the Garden these days. Fujin found her niche acting as assistant to the Garden's pilot Nida. Seifer suspected long before it became public knowledge that there was more than a professional interest between his friend and the pilot. As for Raijin, he seemed to do well with the younger students. Of course, he and Fujin were always willing to act as sparring partners for anyone who needed them.

Balamb Garden was truly their home now. It was only because of Selphie that any of it was possible. Seifer missed her every day, but today was especially hard knowing she was a missing presence in the group picture. Still, there were some very good things in his life now.

"Hi, Dad!" Seifer instinctively cast his eyes on the boy calling to get his attention. This boy happened to be one of those very good things. In fact, he was the best thing that came into Seifer's life since he lost Selphie.

Soon after Seifer was accepted back in the Garden, he traveled to Trabia hoping to help them rebuild. Not many wanted his help and he was left wandering the streets aimlessly. He came to an orphanage and inside learned that all the children lost their parents because of the sorceress incident. Maybe it was because Seifer was an orphan himself, or because he wanted some way to redeem himself. Whatever the reason, he chose to adopt one of the children as his own.

Now Valer was nine years old and just as energetic as Selphie; maybe it was a Trabia thing. Exhausted for the day, all the children started wandering back to their parents. Valer ran up to his father, who lovingly hoisted the boy into the air.

"Whoa," Seifer grunted. "You're getting big, pal."

"Soon I'm gonna be old enough to start weapon training," Valer chirped. "I want to use the same weapon as Mom." Seifer couldn't help but smile at that. Valer knew he wasn't really Seifer and Selphie's child, but he was told the story of why he was chosen and liked calling Selphie "Mom" anyway.

"I bet that would make your mom very proud." Seifer set the boy back on the ground and they headed off toward the Garden together. Valer slipped his small hand into his father's and held on tightly. It was one of the best feelings in the world.

"Hey, Dad?" Valer swung the older man's arm back and forth. "Will you tell me a story about Mom?"

"Sure," Seifer agreed. "What story would you like to hear?"

"Hmm. How 'bout the story of you two falling in love!"

"It's kinda long," Seifer warned him. " And not all of it is very happy. You sure you want to hear it?" Valer took a moment to think about it before nodding to show his enthusiasm. "Okay. Now, let's see…" Seifer closed his eyes for a moment to think of the best way to start. Once he did he felt his thoughts drifting back to that time, Valer hanging onto every word.

And for a few precious moments, Selphie was alive again.

**~fin**


End file.
